Garbage Disposals for the Dummy Plumber

Disposal knockout plug removal

Our staffers think nothing is more hilarious than some freelancer attempting to write a how-to for a task he or she has never performed. On second thought, "hilarious" doesn't fit – perhaps we should say "annoying." In reality, if you're already pretty accomplished in the field and have dome closely related tasks, you can probably reword someone else's instructions. Knowing what you're doing helps a lot in describing the procedure and knowing what the terminology means. On the other hand, you could just reword instructions for something you've never done, and make a major boo-boo in the process. It sure looks like that's what eHow.com's Owen Pearson did for Hunker.com in "How to Remove the Knockout Plug in a Garbage Disposal."¹

Melted Rock for Dummies

Uhhhh, no, Linda, rocks don't melt...

Every once in a while one of our researchers runs across a freelancer's post that is so downright stupid that the poor drone is left gasping for air. Today's post is precisely that: a pile of scientific ignorance so filled with misinformation and misstatements that it could only come from a journalism major writing at eHow.com... and by golly, that's exactly what our staffer turned up this time. Picture, if you will, some fine arts student stuck in Rocks for Jocks to complete that 3-semester hour science elective who needs to know "What Factors Affect the Melting Temperature of Rock?" Heaven forbid he or she should accidentally happen on the rubbish published by freelancer Linda Harris at eHow.com and moved by Leaf Group to Sciencing.com.

Customer Support by Dummies

Icon Fitness logo

Today's DotD nominee is a little different: normally, we find some greedy freelancer who makes a mess our of facts just to pick up a few pennies but today, however, we're going to talk about a company. That company is NordicTrack, a subsidiary of ICON Health & Fitness, Inc., of Logan, Utah. The following is an example of the sort of customer support that, unfortunately, has become the "standard" of our day.

Elliptical Resistance for Dummy Exercise

Elliptical Machine Magnet Location

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is one of the top priorities here at the Antisocial Network, so management recently upgraded the office gym by buying a NordicTrack® elliptical machine for the staffers to use. For the record, it's the Elite 13.1 (model 24055.0), which they admit they bought at Sears. Besides weighing enough that the boss had to bribe a couple of weightlifters to move the box into place, the darned thing's resistance came from the factory set at "NINJA"! In hopes of getting help, we contacted NordicTrack customer support, which appears to have been farmed out to Comcast. The next step was to google the problem, which is where we found eHowian Beth Rifkin stinking up the web with "How to Adjust the Magnet on an Elliptical Machine" at AZCentral.com (content supplied by Demand Media).

Propane Combustion for Dummies

Propane molecule C3H8

We aren't sure whether it's hilarious or disheartening, but some of our most fascinating DotD nominations go to the content written by liberal arts majors trying to answer simple science questions. Bless their hearts, the guys and gals just don't know when they're getting it wrong, not to mention the many times their attempts to reword even slightly technical literature get downright ridiculous. We have one of those today, eHowian Brenda Priddy who attempted to tackle "Why Burning Propane Makes Water" at Sciencing.com.

Shift Cables for a Dummy with a Chevrolet

Chevrolet shift cable

When it comes to doing their own car maintenance, most people are pretty much stymied by anything more complex than an oil change (and plenty wouldn't even try that task). Still, if you have anything beyond rudimentary mechanical skills and can figure out what's broken on your car, it's not a bad idea to google the fix in hopes that it's a simple job. If you chose the wrong information, though, you may run into someone who knows even less than you pretending to be helpful – someone like Tammy Bronson, an eHow.com type whose post "How to Replace the Shift Cable in a Chevy" now lives at ItStillRuns.com

Hydrogen Generators for Dummies

If you stop by Amazon and browse the customer reviews, you'll find that one of the most common reasons why people give 1-star ratings to a product is "Not as advertised." We're with 'em: nobody likes the old bait-and-switch, whether it's an electrical circuit breaker tracer or a pair of socks. Here at the Antisocial Network, we are quite unimpressed by freelancers who pull that trick in hopes of picking up more pennies. Take, for example Matthew B. Dexter, a self-described freelancer with "expertise in outdoors [sic] living," and the bull he titled "How to Build a Hydrogen Generator"¹ at LovetoKnow.com. Yeah: "How to Build"...

Tripping Breakers for Dummy Pool Owners

These are circuit breakers, Whitney

Most would-be DIYers begin their home repair careers with projects like decks and, perhaps, fences. For the majority, the tasks they feel qualified to tackle rarely go beyond such rudimentary carpentry. A few, however, will try their hands at plumbing and even electrical work. In truth, a lot of home electrical repair is pretty simple; but you really need to have a qualified person telling you the safe way to do the job, That definitely rules out eHow.com's Whitney Houston (real name probably Whitney Devine), who – for unknown reasons – considered herself an "expert" on swimming pools. When it came to questions like "What Causes a Pool Pump to Trip a Circuit Breaker?" however, Whitney was drowning in her dumbassery.

Driving Stick Shifts for Dummies

10 o'clock???

Some of the staffers here at the Antisocial Network are old enough to remember when you could get just about any new car with either an automatic or a manual transmission. That's no longer the case: many models are available only with some form of automatic tranny (including the CVT). Whether that's the reason why so few people know how to drive a stick shift or the small number of qualified drivers is the reason that few cars have manuals is debatable. What's not debatable is that if you want to learn "Step-by-Step Instructions On Driving a Stick Shift,"¹ you could do a lot better than read the tripe John Mack published for ItStillRuns.com (originally at eHow.com, of course).

Ohio Spiders for Arachnophobic Dummies

Argiope aurantia black and yellow spider

We don't usually hand out DotD awards to the same person on two consecutive days, but give us a break – the staff retreat is today and we-re in a bit of a time crunch. So even though we just tagged her for the first time yesterday, we're calling eHow.com's Shanea Patterson back to the podium again for the gross scientific incompetence she displayed in the post "Types of Black & Yellow Spiders in Ohio."¹

Completions for Dummies

Downhole completions

Careers, we guess, are pretty much like any other topic: if you want to learn what a [name of occupation] does, your best bet is to ask someone who has the job. Your second best bet is to ask someone who's seen the job done. Around the Antisocial Network, we suspect that your worst bet is to ask someone at a Demand Media (now Leaf Group) site: if you do that, you're likely to end up with rubbish like eHow.com's Shanea Patterson threw together for "The Job Description of a Completions Engineer," now appearing at Leaf Group's niche site CareerTrend.com.

Wired Computers for the Dummy Cyclist

routing computer wire on bicycle

If you were to come into the Antisocial Network world headquarters building through the garage, you might notice the number of bicycles stored there on any given day. All our staffers are avid cyclists, and about half are pretty handy when it comes to routine maintenance on their bikes. That's why the collected works of one Charlie Gaston so frequently... well, "piss them off" seems to be apt. Unlike those staffers, Gaston seems to have only a passing familiarity with cycling and its equipment, as she demonstrates for Trails.com in "How to Install an Old Bicycle Speedometer."¹

Molly Bolts for Dummies

molly bolt after tightening

Molly Brown was unsinkable. Sweet Molly Malone cried "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive-o!" Molly bolts hold all kinds of things on drywall (or plaster) walls where it's inconvenient to hit a stud. But if you ever (for some unknown reason) want to know "How to Sink a Molly Bolt,"¹ we suggest you give a wide pass to the eHow.com instructions that Mary McNally wrote...

Router Jigs of the Dummies Variety

A shop-made router jig

If you were to ask someone about "How to Make Router Jigs," the best possible answers would probably come from people who 1) know what a router jig is, 2) have experience using a router, preferably with a jig, and 3) know how to make router jigs. Anyone who can't meet all three of those criteria would be a non-optimal candidate, don't you think? Well, today's DotD nominee doesn't have any of those three qualifications! It should come as no surprise, then, that she posted this at eHow.com; nor should it be surprising that she's Lacy Enderson... again.

Log Splitters for Dummies

Gas-powered hydraulic log splitter

If you visit the kid's book section at your local independent bookstore, you'll find a series of books with titles like The Way Things Work. David Macaulay, who wrote the original of the series thirty years ago, does a pretty good job of describing the combinations of simple machines that make up everyday objects along with the scientific principles that power them. Sadly for people who google "How Does a Log Splitter Work?"¹ they don't go to Macaulay. Instead, they go to eHow.com and Grant D. McKenzie...

Wood Classification for Dummies

Softwood vs. hardwood

Although the Leaf Group family of niche sites (merely content redistributed from the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com) gets much of our attention here at the Antisocial Network, there remain several other websites filled with freelance rubbish. One such is HubPages.com, where slaphappy writers posted some extremely sorry content back in the pre-Panda days. A lot of it's still there, and we are more than happy to debunk it whenever possible; which is why today's nominee is repeat visitor Hassam with a scary stupid post he called "Types of Wood."

Volcanology for Student Dummies

Volcano cross-section

We here at the Antisocial Network trot our staff geologist out from time to time – the guy's retired from the oil biz, so he spends most of his time arguing with people about fracking on Facebook – to look over the self-appointed earth-science experts among our freelancers. He'd already outed Catalogs.com's Cindi Pearce last year, but her treatise on orogenesis apparently wasn't enough misinformation: Cindi also attempted to explain "How are Volcanoes Formed?" for the same site (now credited to "Catalogs editorial staff"), with equally sad results.

Flushing Toilets for Dummies

Anatomy of a flush toilet 

We can't be certain of this, but the staffers here at the Antisocial Network suspect that one of the most common first attempts at DIY by a newbie homeowner (someone who can no longer call their dorm or apartment maintenance for help) is a malfunctioning toilet. After all, if you think there's "sticker shock" at car dealerships, just check out a plumbing bill! One of the reasons we think so is the vast number of Leaf Group posts related to the topic... and sadly, most of them are answered by amateurs like today's nominee, Matt Smolsky, who tackled "What Makes a Crane Toilet Flush Poorly?" for SFGate.com.

Board Feet for Dummies

Definition of a board foot

The tiny bios written by the "contributors" at eHow.com seem so amusing sometimes: these folks come off as renaissance men and women with their wide-ranging interests and education. Take, for example, today's DotD nominee, Matthew Anderson (aka Matthew Abdallah): he claims a degree in chemical engineering, a decade of "publishing," and training in music. What he doesn't have, as will be seen in a moment, is even the most basic knowledge of carpentry; as is clearly displayed by his post at Hunker.com. "How to Convert Square Foot to Board Foot."

Bicycle Storage for Dummies

bicycle hydraulic disc brake

It should come as no surprise that the biggest problem we've noticed with freelancers answering random questions (the good old eHow model) is that too many times the person answering the question knows no more about the topic than the person answering it. Our house bike guru caught one of these just recently: self-styled fitness professional Elle Di Jensen, who we often find writing about bicycles, tried to answer the question "Is it Bad to Hang a Bicycle by Its Wheel?"¹ for, of all places, Leaf Group's TheBump.com (bicycle "advice" on a pregnancy website???)

Erosion for Science Dummies

soil erosion

Cynical or not, we realize that there are people out there with some form of writing degree who are capable of rendering scientific jargon into something the "unwashed masses" can understand, just as there are scientists who are incapable of doing so. As we understand, it takes either in-depth knowledge of the science or willing interview subjects (for an example, see anything written by Mary Roach.) Sadly, many liberal arts grads – J-school, creative writing, English lit – decided they were perfectly capable of doing it all by themselves... hence, the plethora of DotD awards for scientific illiteracy among liberal arts grads. Continuing in that grand tradition today, we find eHowian John Mack holding forth on "How Does Erosion Affect the Earth?"¹ for Leaf Group's Sciencing.com.

Unstable Atoms for Dummies

Sample decay path of an unstable isotope

Around the Antisocial Network conference table, we regularly rattle the cages of  journalism (aka "communications") and English majors who think that their freelancing skills are so well-honed they can take on any subject, but can't. It's fairly rare for us to run across someone who at least claims to have a BS in some science who presents as scientifically illiterate; but they're out there. A case in point is today's nominee, eHow.com contributor Mallory Malesky, who penned "What Is an Unstable Atom?"¹ for Sciencing.com.

Physician, Heal Thyself for a Dummy Blogger

Everything you need to know about blogging, our ass

Ever heard that admonition before? "Physician, heal thyself"? If you haven't, it essentially means that you shouldn't criticize someone else for having the same fault as you. Say, Donald Trump shouldn't be calling Hillary Clinton a "liar" until he examines his own demonstrably tenuous connection with the facts. Be that as it may, we'd rarely seen this except in people writing "grammar" suggestions, not until we decided to visit a previous DotD to see what other inane crap she had to say. Libby Baez, aka CountryWine of PersonaPaper did not fail with her post, "Many Posts Are Way Too Disappointing."

Atoms and Molecules for Dummies

artist's conception of atoms

It may seem as if we complain about it a lot here, but the reality is that scientifically illiterate J-school graduates trying to discuss science topics on content farms are a danger to your kids' education. Maybe their wording seems easier to read, but wouldn't you rather have accuracy than ease? When the posts are filled with misinformation, are the people who read them "learning"? No... and people like Leaf Group's Jess Kroll aren't helping at all when they post rubbish like "What is the Relationship Between a Molecule & an Atom?" at sciencing.com (really? "Sciencing"?)...

Gold Ore for Prospecting Dummies

Native gold in a hydrothermal quartz vein

One of our staffers spent some time as a substitute teacher specializing in science, and she will tell you that "rocks and minerals" is a subject taught in almost every elementary school; usually in fourth or fifth grade. Which is one reason why we're confused that someone who says she graduated from one of the "Seven Sisters" doesn't know the difference between rocks and minerals. That is, sadly, the case with Claudia Newcorn, who visited "How to Identify Gold Rocks"¹ on Leaf Group's GoneOutdoors.com.

Profitable Oil Drilling for Business Dummies

Bet these guys know more about drilling than Ashbee!

If we had an experimental physicist on staff here at the Antisocial Network there might be a few posts here making fun of J-school grads and people with English lit degrees trying to explain charmed quarks and the significance of the Higgs boson. We don't have one, but we do have a petroleum geologist. That's why we regularly take idiots to task for misinformation about geology, maps, and the oil  business; people like Ashbee A. Bakht, who posted "Profitable Oil Drilling Simplified" at another paragon of factuality, EzineArticles.com.

Building Porch Steps for Dummies

stair rise and run

One of the reasons we started this blog a couple of years ago is that we were tired of finding alleged how-to and informational articles that had been written by complete hacks. The Demand Media family of websites (now Leaf Group) is responsible for a lot of that dreck, probably because their gatekeepers (called "content editors") were long on nit-picking format and short on fact-checking statements. We have hundreds of examples so far, and new ones come in every day; posts like "Easy to Build Steps for a Porch,"¹ which Sienna Condy tackled on eHow.com.

Topographic Maps for Utter Dummies

Example of topographic map detail

Some of the worst maps ever created appear in advertising, be it online, on paper, or in the yellow pages (remember those?). After trying to use some of those maps our friendly mapmaker is convinced that maps are the original "black box" to many folks. Good news, though: the government organization known as the United States Geological Survey (USGS) publishes inexpensive yet  detailed and highly accurate maps of our entire country at several different scales. Unfortunately, amateurs like eHow.com's Marianne Moro have attempted to explain those maps, with... distressing results; as in her post, "Land Features on a Topographic Map."¹

Large Frames for the Dummy Carpenter

Measuring for frame molding

Over a couple of years of calling out online freelancers for faking it, we've noticed that one way to identify bogus instructions is to look at how the writer addresses the more difficult details of a procedure. Someone who's done it knows where the "gotchas" are, while someone just doing a copy-reword-paste job often leaves out the stuff they don't understand. Here's an example: eHow.com contributor B. T. Alo and his pretty much worthless instructions at OurPastimes.com about "How to Make a Large Picture Frame."¹

Metamorphic Rocks for Dummies

Rock Cycle image from NASA

Antisocial Network staffers prefer that our award be given to our DotD nominees in their real names, but every once in a while an anonymous contributor makes such an impression on a team member that he or she can persuasively argue that the award be presented anyway. We came across today's awardee while checking old links. During the "niche-ing" process at Sciencing.com, Leaf Group deleted an old eHow.com article about slate and replaced it with an anonymous contribution entitled "How to Identify Metamorphic Rocks." This is one case where "The cure is worse than the disease"...