Pocket Doors for Remodeling Dummies

Pocket doors with wall covering stripped off

Around the Antisocial Network we ago realized that people are prone to saying just the most idiotic crap when pretending to be more knowledgeable than they really are, you know what we mean? If that weren't the case, then babbling nonsense around smarter – or more accurately, better-prepared – people wouldn't be a go-to plot point for just about every situation comedy episode ever written. Babbling incomprehensibly (while still looking pretty) was Penny's sole schtick for the first season or two of "Big Bang Theory," right? Well, freelancers out there pumping and dumping their copy-rewrite-paste bullshit onto write-for-cash sites are every bit as prone as sitcom characters to saying stupid things while pretending to be knowledgeable. Take Seekyt.com's Ellina James, who was already in a hole when she chose the title "Advantages and drawbacks of Closet Doors."

Besides having those capitalization problems, Ellina's title makes precious little sense. We suspect, based on the content, that she meant "different styles of closet doors," but we'll never know (nor will we ever care). What we do know is that James spends at least part of her post talking about a topic with which she is, at the very least, unfamiliar: pocket doors. Why do we say that? Read on...

"These contemporary doors are a modern twist on the customized sliding doors. Even they have the appearance of a standard door, these pocket doors in fact function as sliding doors but with a twist. These doors don’t normally slide from side to the other, but slide into the water, literally [sic]. This is the reason why pocket doors are considered to be a popular choice for spaces that are low on space."

In addition to rampant verbosity ("...are a popular choice..." is far better than "...are considered to be a popular choice...") and repetitive ("...spaces that are low on space"? Really?), James is writing from cloud cuckoo land when she claims that they're "contemporary": pocket doors are quite common in Victorian houses. One of our staff once lived in an 1895 Queen Anne with three sets of pocket doors in the parlor. And "slide into the water"? WTF??? She's just as far off the mark when she claims that "...since these doors need to be inserted into pockets carved inside a wall, you need at your disposal a thick wall and professionals to have these successfully installed." "[P]ockets carved inside a wall"? "[N]eed... a thick wall"? Both are utter bullshit. Modern pocket doors, which can be installed by a competent do-it-yourselfer (though not a rank amateur like James), are designed to fit any wall with 2 x 4 studs. Installation definitely isn't a weekend project, though, and is best when part of new construction or an extensive remodel -- maybe that's the "professionals" bit.

Other interesting tidbits in her content also caught our eye. She thinks all sliding doors are "mirrored doors," for instance! Their chief drawback, Ellina explains, is that

"...if you wish to move the mirror, you cannot do so without moving the entire closet."

Duh. We repeat, "duh." With inane babble like that, is it any wonder that the staff at the Antisocial Network voted to name Ellina James our Dumbass of the Day, Marketing MA from the London School of Economics or not? We didn't think so...

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