Sunday, August 20, 2017

Paint Estimates for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXLII

interior paint estimation doors windows
Just height times width, Kathryn?
Although plenty of people are convinced that half a loaf is better than none, settling for half a loaf works a lot better when the topic is bread than then it's answers. All of which is a roundabout way to say that half an answer may be no better than none -- if you know what we mean. If you don't know what we mean, then consider the half answer that eHowian Kathryn Hatter provided in her post "How to Calculate Square Feet for Painting."

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Grohe Faucets for the Complete Dummy - The Freelance Files CMXLII

grohe kitchen faucet with sprayer
Our research staffers have often noticed that come of the self-appointed "contributors" to the world of DMS¹ demonstrate a slight problem with interpreting the questions they're supposed to answer. We assume that happens when someone has no earthly idea what the question means... A case in point might be Christine Lebednick, who collected a juicy stipend for pretending to answer a plumbing question, "Problems with the Grohe Kitchen Faucet Spray."

Friday, August 18, 2017

Troubleshooting the Acura RL for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXLI

You'd like to think that most people don't attempt to use modern technology without at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works. OK, you can stop laughing now: we all know that the vast majority of people have no idea how simple technology works, much less complex products like smartphones, computers, and the internal combustion engine. So riddle us this: why would eHowian Melanie Fleury, who obviously knew jack about automotive engines, attempt to explain why "My Acura RL Won't Start"? Because she wanted the fifteen bucks, of course...

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Lawnmowers for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXL

push-type gasoline-powered lawn mower
Uhhh, what lever, Greyson?
For some reason, most children of the so-called "digital age" never had the pleasure of pushing a lawn mower around Mommy and Daddy's yard. There are undocumented immigrants for that kind of work, to the tune of $35 per week... That being said, someone somewhere once asked "How to Adjust Lawnmower Blades" and Greyson Ferguson, a digital kid who had probably never even used a mower, happily answered the question for eHow... or he at least tried to.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Trigonometry for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXXXIX

triangle types
The newest intern at Antisocial Network HQ thought she'd recognized a pattern: freelancers with liberal arts backgrounds demonstrating ignorance of the so-called STEM subjects. We thanked her for her effort, even though everyone here already knew that most of the contributors to the old Demand Media sites was a journalism graduate who'd studiously avoided the sciences... well, not all of them: Brooke Ashley has a "creative writing" BA, but she's still mathematically illiterate. She proved that with her post, "Types of Trigonometry," at

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Geology of Africa for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXXXVIII

African Plate
As they patrol the internet in search of dumbassery published solely in the interests of income, our research staffers return time and time again to well-trodden paths. In other words, they plug certain words, names, or websites into their search engines and punch the button. Happily, it's remarkably easy to find some of this rubbish; sadly, many of the people who read it don't know it's rubbish. We have to wonder if the authors, people like's Chris Burke, even realize that stuff like "Facts About the African Plate" is rubbish (we know it...).

Monday, August 14, 2017

Northern Arizona for Dummies - The Freelance Files CMXXXVII

Monument Valley Mittens
For our money (which ain't much, let us tell you!), some of the most... troubling? freelancers on the 'net are the armchair travelers. We're talking about the people who posted hundreds of reviews of hotels, restaurants, museums, and other destinations on sites like and the many content farms out there. For some, it was obvious that the reams of information they posted were merely distilled from guidebooks and online sources. And then there were the "helpful" types, such as Helium travel channel manager Isabelle Esteves, who didn't actually claim to have been there -- they just gave "suggestions"... suggestions like "Places to Visit in Northern Arizona," which Iz reposted to after Helium died.