Painting Ikea Furniture for Dummies

Typical Ikea furniture

We're not big fans of Ikea at Antisocial Network headquarters. Oh, sure, we appreciate their reduced carbon footprint and the fact that just about everything can be recycled. It isn't the unpronounceable names (they're fun, in fact). It is partially because we're convinced that Ikea is Swedish for "Walmart," and partially because of their incomprehensible instructions; but mainly it's because we just don't like MDF. You know, medium-density fiberboard? the stuff all their furniture is made from? They coat it with plastic (technically, melamine) and you're stuck with the finish for life – or you would be if you didn't search the internet for instructions on how to paint over the original finish. Unless, that is, you accidentally found uk_american's HubPages content he (she?) called "How to paint Ikea furniture."

There are a bazillion places on the internet that purport to explain how to paint furniture and the like with this sort of finish, which is actually known in the trade as "laminated." Oddly, that's a word the author of the post never uses – every reference is to "melamine," which the author seems to confuse with MDF from time to time:

"Most Ikea furniture is Melamine finish or MDF, rather than being made of natural wood. You can tell if your furniture if melamine when you look at the back or bottom. If it appears as pressed particle board or chipboard rather than 100% real wood, then you must take care to use the appropriate paint." Wait a minute there, dude: how does looking at "the back or bottom" indicate it's laminated? Don't you need to compare the front and back, or something like that? And what's an "appropriate paint"? This may be what the author means by "appropriate" and maybe not: "I specifically used a melamine primer. Any primer will do, but look for one that is for melamine or for slick surfaces, for adhesion purposes. One example is this Adhesion Primer from Sherwin Williams."

Well, uk_american, which is it: "any primer" or "one that is for melamine..."? We'll skip the inane instructions, which mostly consist of "follow the instructions on the paint can," and have a look at the "FAQs." For instance,

"Do I need to sand my furniture before painting it? No. If you are painting 'real' wood furniture, you can sand it and then paint it. Because we are painting 'fake' wood, it instead needs primer only, no sanding. Even worse, I'm not sure that some of the mdf Ikea furniture would survive sanding!"

Ikea does sell MDF furniture, but it's painted – meaning you need only repaint over what is usually a nice, thick coat of acrylic (assuming you've done the necessary prep work and chosen an appropriate paint). The article at hand is about laminated furniture -- we think. And almost all instructions for painting laminate seem to suggest that you sand anyway, if only to roughen the surface so the primer sticks better: it's highly unlikely you can sand through the laminate.
This particular DIY project is, frankly, dirt simple. We suspect that uk_american managed to complete it without an epic fail, but let's be honest: he (or she) managed an epic fail when it came to the instructions. That makes uk_american our Dumbass of the Day. Enjoy your VARIERA and the ALVINE KVIST, uk_a! 

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