Alaska for Armchair Traveling Dummies

Climbing a glacier on Mt. Rainier, Washington (not Alaska)

We've heard it said that travel research is one of the most common of web searches, which is probably why every content farm has had a travel section with a slew of self-appointed travel mavens. The biggest problem with the information these people provide seems to be that, at least for some of them, their only traveling is on the internet itself and through the contents of outdated guidebooks. These people are perfectly willing to write about the "best restaurants" in Tashkent or the "finest accommodations for families" in Katmandu even though they've never even been on the same continent. The 'net is the great travel agent, we guess. On WritEdge.com, we found an article penned by New Englander Isabel Esteves, a little piece she titled "Alaska Adventure Vacation Destination."¹ Izzy likes to republish her articles from the late, unlamented Helium.com, where she was the chief travel maven. Most are already bad enough, but when she doesn't even bother to update her "information"? Ugh...

Here: have a look at one of Esteves' more... inane statements about Alaska:

"Where else can you not only see but climb a glacier? Where is the only place in the United States where you can view the Northern Lights? It is Alaska, of course."

Never mind the non-parallel construction. Hell, you can climb a glacier in hundreds of places -- including several other U. S. states (California, Colorado [been there], Montana [been there], Washington, Wyoming [been there]...) and dozens of countries. Dumbass! And Alaska's not the "only" place in the USA where you can see the aurora borealis! Izzy, you idiot, you can see the northern lights all along the Canadian border and, if there's a particularly powerful solar storm, they've been spotted well south into states such as Kansas and Ohio. Idiot! Izzy also knows how to stoke up your greed: "For the more adventurous pioneer, there is still gold in them thar hills and you might as well be the one who finds it. You can do it on your own or you can hire a guide, either way, you don’t need much skill or much equipment just a desire to be in the great outdoors and a little greed for long buried gold isn’t a bad thing either." Yeah, right. You don't need much skill or equipment: just a donkey, a big ol' hat, a pickaxe and a canteen... She also wants us to buy souvenirs:

"Of special note are the native arts, beautiful baskets, carved whalebone and ivory trinkets and jewelry."

Too bad Izzy had never actually been to Alaska, or she might know the words "scrimshaw" and "baleen." Oh, and she'd be sure to mention that the ivory is from walrus tusks and is therefore not illegal to own, as is ivory from elephant tusks... but she didn't. Of Anchorage, she says the city

"...lies in the shadow of Mount McKinley..."

...meaning that Denali (the mountain's unofficial name for decades and official name as of 2015) casts one hell of a long shadow: downtown Anchorage is about 125 miles from Denali Peak, as the crow flies. Oddly, Izzy never even mentions the capital city, Juneau! Ms Esteves closes by telling us that

"Alaska is a land of contrasts, from its majestic mountains to its stunning glaciers. It can be 90 degrees in the summer and frigid in the winter."

We're not convinced that mountains and glaciers are much of a contrast, Izzy. And while the record high temperature in Alaska is above 90°F, it's pretty darned rare to see anywhere in the state that hot – you would be better off mentioning just how cold that "frigid" winter temperature might be: the mean daytime high of a January day in Fairbanks is -17°F; though it's 33°F in Juneau (the city Isabel forgot)...

For writing bull about a place she's probably never seen (a bad habit of Ms Esteves and several other "travel writers" of our acquaintance), we do hereby award Isabel yet another Dumbass of the Day. 

¹ This website is now defunct, and archive.org's Wayback machine never made a copy of the post. Oh, well, no loss...

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