Quartz, the Dummy's Definition

cluster of quartz crystals

The researchers of the Antisocial Network find themselves bewildered much of the time by the inane scribblings of the self-described "professional freelancers" they encounter on the internet. Other than greed, which we realize is a powerful motivator, what on earth would make these people think it's acceptable to offer oneself as an "expert" on a topic simply because they know how to type words into a search engine? No one is sure, but it's a safe bet that eHow.com's Denise Brandenberg (a "marketing professional" with a BA in English) knew nothing more than the original questioner when she attempted to provide a few "Facts About Quartz Rocks" to readers of Sciencing.com one fateful day. Why someone who actually knew something didn't address this question remains a mystery...

Were Denise even semi-competent on the topics of quartz and rocks, her introduction would have -- at the very least -- pointed out that quartz is a mineral, not a rock, so there is no such thing as a "quartz rock." But she didn't: what she did say is

"The quartz rock is the most prevalent mineral found on earth. It is found in granite and other rocks, such as sandstone..."

Already with the confusion between minerals and rocks, Denise? OK... quartz, besides being abundant, is fairly simple stuff and Denise was able to cobble together a quick description of the mineral's composition and physical properties. Once she got past silicon dioxide, conchoidal fracture and 7 on the Mohs Hardness scale (no mention of trigonal trapezohedral, though); Brandenberg started winging it. That's where she came up with factoids such as "Quartz is highly valued in many cultures and societies because it is a semi-precious stone that has piezoelectric properties..."

Which we rather doubt: quartz is not a semi-precious stone, some of the colored varieties are semi-semi-semiprecious (citrine and amethyst, mainly); and we're at a loss to find a culture that prizes piezoelectric properties: the Maya? the Inca? Maori? And then she follows that with a bullshit statement about how

"Quartz is usually the last mineral to crystallize, and it typically fills in the spaces between other minerals in rock formations. It is colorless and reflects the surrounding mineral colors. Quartz needs heat and water to form."

"[C]olorless and reflects the surrounding mineral colors"? What does that mean, anyway? And doesn't quartz need something more than "heat and water to form" -- we dunno, like maybe silicon and oxygen???

Of course, since this is the internet and Brandenberg is a marketing guru / English major, there has to be a section on "metaphysical properties." We won't comment on the level of "woo-woo" involved in a statement such as

"The quartz rock has a specific vibration that can work with all seven chakra vibration levels to assist in healing and balancing..."

For her failure to point out that "quartz rock" is an oxymoron, for her misinterpretation of facts, for her obvious lack of understanding of nearly everything she wrote in her post, the Antisocial Network proudly presents to Denise Brandenberg the Dumbass of the Day award. Duh.

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