Bicycle Safety for Dummies

May is Bicycle Month, so we here at Antisocial Network headquarters thought now would be a good time to demonstrate that pedal-power brings out the dumbass in freelance writers as much as any other topic. Even though a bicycle is a surprisingly simple machine (that may incorporate some pretty sophisticated technology), people get just as stupid about two-wheelers as they do about cars, kitchens, and basic science. Let's start out with a dummy of the Seekyt variety, one who hides behind the pen name duckletshut (real name apparently Karen Whiteduck). Ducklet's contribution to Bike Week: "How to avoid accidents with animals while bicycling." Ummm, yeah...

We're big on cycling here at the Antisocial Network, to the tune of about 5,000 miles annually; but our encounters with wild animals have been limited to the local squirrels and the occasional snake; once in a great while, a turtle. We're much more likely to encounter loose dogs than the list of wild animals Ducklet mentions: ferrett [sic], porcupine, raccoon, bear (twice), fox. Of course, one could probably encounter a "large mammal" while bushwhacking in the wild, but most wild animals will steer clear of us noisy humans when we're crashing around in the underbrush. What we found most indicative of dumbassery in Ducklet's prose (besides "peddling," "mainting," "agressive," "disruptting, "trys"...) is her inconsistency:

"...get off of your bike the opposite side of the animal to create protection so that it can not get to you, proceed to walk with your bike and cycle away when you are at a safe distance"

vs.

"...as quick as possible leave with your bike ..."

So what's your real advice, oh Dumbass of the Day?

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