When Dummies Give Instructions

Wooden fence gate

Everyone has heard the old saying, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." Those grubbing for pennies at content farms such as eHow and HubPages take the saying a step farther: "Those who can't teach, freelance." In our search for dumbasses, we at the Antisocial Network run across plenty of content that is completely incomprehensible, but in reality that crap is probably less dangerous than content that on the surface seems useful, helpful even, but in reality has structural problems. By that, we mean "embedded stupidity." Take, for example, eHow's Henri Bauholz (aka Hank Nielsen), writing on "How to Build Gates for Wood Fences."¹ For the most part, Henri is on track. It's just that following his instructions to the letter would... cause problems.

Let's take a look at some of those problems:

"...if you are placing a post in the ground, from which to swing your gate, then you need to be sure that the post is firmly entrenched in the ground. This means you will need to dig a hole, fill the whole [sic] with concrete and then set the post in the concrete."

"Firmly entrenched"? Does Henri know what "entrenched" means? But more to the point, he has the order backwards: you set the post in the "whole" first, then you backfill the hole with concrete (wet cement, actually).

"...build the gate with the vertical pieces tightly together or you can leave a small gap (¼ inch is fine) between each board. Most builders will usually leave a gap to allow for proper drainage of rainwater."

Well, no: the gap is to allow the boards to expand and contract with daily or seasonal temperature changes. Drainage is why you leave gaps between the boards of a horizontal surface, Henri, not a vertical one. And last, but not least:

"Attach 2 horizontal boards to the back... several inches from the top and bottom of the door. Between the 2 horizontal strips... is your diagonal piece or brace. First, lay it into place and mark the cuts. After you have cut off each end, then it can be screwed into place." Hmmm... An important point, Henri - and one you don't bother to address - is the orientation of this diagonal. Trust us when we say that it's important: the diagonal you describe will be basically useless unless the top corner is on the hinge side of the gate and runs diagonally downward to the swinging side of the gate. Otherwise it's merely decoration.

For bad advice, for wrong information, and for omitting one of the most important points of the entire process of building a wooden gate, Henri Bauholz, you're our Dumbass of the Day.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_4727333_build-gates-wood-fences.html

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DDIY - FENCES