Speedometer Problems for Dummy Mechanics

Speedometer (center) and tachometer (left)

During our weekly Antisocial Network staff meeting (via GoToMeeting, of course) the research team like to share the most recent content they've read from the department of "so stupid I can't believe it!" Some of their finds really are unbelievable, though a great deal of the dumbassery arises from the deliberate use of poor-quality content spinning software (what our founder used to call "amokking in a thesaurus"). Some of it, however, is just plain stupidity; greedy freelancers writing about anything they can Google, and getting it wrong. Wrong, we tell you, like the bullshit seven-time DotD winner Andrea Stein barfed out of her keyboard and onto the pages of eHow.com in a little ditty entitled "GMC Envoy Speedometer Problems" (now at ItStillRuns.com).

You know you've found a true dumbass when you run across a clear example of bullshit in the very first sentence:

"A vehicle speedometer is an instrument gauge designed to measure the engine RPM of a vehicle and display it. " Ummm, yeah, she did just tell the world that a speedometer measures engine RPM! besides the redundancy of "instrument gauge," Stein has just defined a tachometer, not a speedometer! We don't know about you, but we're pretty sure we don't want car-repair advice from someone who makes that kind of basic error. Sadly, however; Andrea wrote tens, if not hundreds, of automotive "how-to" articles for the mother lode of misinformation. That's even though we rather suspect she never took a single auto shop class on her way to that BA in English... The following are some examples of the useless "information" and instructions in Andrea's post:

1. Connect the leads of an Ohmmeter to each contact to check the [speed] sensor’s charge. Refer to your GMC owner’s manual for the speed sensor’s voltage value.
2. Remove the speedometer's stepper motor and inspect the gear assembly. If you discover any cracked gears, replace the stepper motor.
3. Remove the speedometer cable and smooth out any kinks.

Note that. of course, Stein includes absolutely no instructions on how to find or R-and-R any of those parts; just "check them." Of course, even if you did find the speed sensor and "Connect the leads of an Ohmmeter to each contact," its a sure bet you're not going to find specs for the voltage in your Owner's Manual, Oh yeah, and Andrea? an ohmmeter doesn't measure voltage, just like a speedometer doesn't measure RPMs: get a dollar, buy a clue!

A little bit of searching on the internet would have turned up the information that many GM cars – including some years of the Envoy – have an ongoing recall for instrument cluster problems, including the speedometer, that dates to 2007 (a recall mentioned in one of Stein's "references," by the way. So it's our opinion here at the Antisocial Network that Stein had no idea what she was talking about but went ahead and wrote this rubbish anyway. That's more than enough reason for Andrea to pick up her eighth Dumbass of the Day award.

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