Learning Technology for Dummies

Modern technology spans the world

Our research staff here at the Antisocial Network are lazy sometimes; though not as lazy as the copy, reword and paste freelancers they uncover. Their laziness takes the form of following serial dumbasses around the internet with google, just looking for their latest stupidities. Once in a while we let them – and today's one of those days. After her fairly lengthy absence from our little corner of the 'net, one of them spotted a blog authored by the site's undisputed champion, eighteen-time winner of our Dumbass award, Joan Whetzel. One of Joan's blog posts more or less explains why she continues to appear in this column: take a look at "Technologically Challenged -- Chapter 2"¹ and see if you agree.

We couldn't find chapter one anywhere, so we suppose that it's the "college paper" Joan references in her first sentence. Whatever the case, Joan makes a not-particularly-compelling case that

"...technology provides so many options to 'make life easier' that the sheer quantity of options makes life way too difficult..."

We had to wonder if the reason Whetzel finds these options difficult is, well, dumbassery. We'll let you decide by taking a look at some of the things she finds confusing in new technology. First, when complaining about the complexity of modern ovens, Joan opines that

"Every recipe ever published with Fahrenheit temps, is written in 25 degree increments with only a few function (preheat, back [sic], broil)."

We assume she means "bake" as opposed to "back." Be that as it may, however, Joan apparently doesn't stop to think that maybe, just maybe, some people have recipes that specify temperatures in °C, and need to convert. Or that foodies (and there are apparently bazillions of them) think they want more precise temperature control? No, it's just Joan... and she also has problems with remote controls. On the topic of "entertainment centers" (when's the last time you saw one of those?), Whetzel whines:

"Switching from one gadget to another means using the 'input' button on one of those remote controls. Input? What, exactly, am I supposed to be inputting? And which machine am I supposed to be in-putting it into?" "No, Joan," he says gently, "the 'input' button chooses the source... Oh, hell, you probably don't understand 'source,' either -- it's a certainty you don't know how to form a verb from 'input.'" Of course, she eventually goes off on smartphones (though she thinks they're "smart phones"): "When I removed my late husband’s smart phone from my phone bill... I found that the bill dropped to just a hair less than half of what it was...it comes down to a gadget that has way too many functions; functions I will never use and cannot justify buying into. My stupid phone has everything I need, thank you. "

Apparently Whetzel fails to understand that she was paying for access, not for "functions." A dumb phone -- one without apps, accelerometers, video accelerators, HD movie cameras, and 32 GB of storage will still cost a bundle if you use it for internet access! Dummy -- or, to put it in her own words, "[Just] give me the 'Dummies' version. If need to know anything further, I’ll ask for it." We have to wonder if she'll even know when she needs anything further... We also hope she didn't spend extra on a nav system for her car...

To quote Joan, "Some technology is good, but more – or improved - is not better." We disagree: one's failure to understand how to use technology does not mean that it's bad. We'll bet she doesn't understand her computer, but she still tried to make money with it! There's nothing wrong with preferring simplicity, but denigrating those who -- unlike herself -- understand more technical aspects of modern society just makes her a prime candidate for another Dumbass of the Day award.

¹ The post has been deleted, and archive.org's Wayback machine never made a copy of the post. Oh, well, no loss...

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