Wireless Routers for Dummies

Wiring diagram for a wireless router

Unless you have an in-house expert to perform all the techie things that go along with getting online, you've probably had to look for help once in a while. Perhaps it was troubleshooting an internet connection, maybe it was accessing your email. It might even have been installing software. From experience you know that Ravi or "Susan" from your ISP's help line is just going to read a prepared script, so getting online help seems like a good idea. It isn't always, though, as we recently learned by reading through the bushwa that eHow.com's Alicia Bodine wrote to the title, "How to Hook Up a Wireless Router" (moved by Leaf Group to their Techwalla niche site).

We won't suggest that Alicia had never done this. Heck, most people with at least half a brain have done it at one time or another; it isn't difficult. Then again, it's nowhere near as complicated as Bodine made it seem; a total of nine separate steps. Of course when step number four was

"Go over the user license agreement and check the box that says, "I accept this agreement." When you are ready click next [sic]"...

you know whoever wrote it is probably... let's say "not particularly experienced."

For her Demand Media Studios (DMS: you can't spell "dumbass" without "DMS"!) mandated introduction, Alicia allowed as to why you might use a wireless router...

"Once you make your laptop purchase, you may choose to make your laptop wireless. This is the most common option because people want a laptop that is portable and wires just get in the way. " Heck, even in 2008 (when Bodine first posted this crap) people were connecting to wireless routers with more than just laptops – you know: the iPhone was already a year old by then, and Crackberries were already getting obsolete. But never mind that. Here's what Alicia had to say – after you've unpacked the new router (step 1), put the CD in your drive (step 2), chosen the language (step 3), and accepted the EULA (step 4): "Allow the program time to check your internet connection. When it is done it will say, 'Check successful.' Click next [sic] and you will be ready to begin hooking up your new wireless router."

We did wonder how the program could "check your internet connection" if you hadn't installed the router yet... until we figured out that Bodine wanted to talk about wires:

"Remove the internet cable from your computer. It will be the only one that goes in to a phone jack. Then plug it in to the wireless router in to the yellow spot. Each spot is colored for your convenience, but it should also be the only spot that fits the plug so you can't get it wrong even if you try. "

Ummm.... no. The "internet cable" from your modem – we assume Bodine was talking about a separate modem and router – to your laptop doesn't fit in a "phone jack." Dumbass: it just kinda looks like one, but it's an Ethernet port and should be marked with a little "network" icon. And, oh, yes, the correct (input) port on the router is usually blue, not yellow... Bodine's next instruction, however, clearly demonstrated that she had no friggin' idea what she was talking about:

"Get the network cable you found in your box. The cable should be blue. Plug one end of the cable in to the blue spot of your wireless router and the other end in to your computer. "

Duh: this moron just told you to use an Ethernet connection between your router's input port and your computer! And here we thought you were supposed to be setting up a wireless router! She also said nothing whatsoever about connecting the router to the modem, meaning that the router has no input signal!

Bodine not only got the wiring all wrong,  her post said nothing about configuring the router, setting up the wireless password or the administrator password, or accessing the router from the computer. All she did for her fifteen bucks was a poor copy-reword-paste job of the instructions for one Linksys router; not to mention that she got those wrong. Is it any wonder Alicia's collecting her fourth Dumbass of the Day award?

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