Contours for Utter Dummies

We don't think this is topography, Felicia

Our research staffers have been at this game long enough that some of them can identify a DotD candidate from the first sentence of a freelanced article. That's almost always true at sites like WritEdge and HubPages, where members just dump crap on the site willy-nilly. Sadly, it's also pretty true of sites with "editors"; sites such as eHow.com and WiseGEEK.com. After all, if the editors don't know jack, how can they correct factual errors? Which brings us to today's nominee, WiseGEEK writer Felicia Dye (and editor Heather Bailey), who collaborated in "What are Contour Lines?" which we found at AlltheScience.com.

We knew immediately that Dye was tossing the bull because of her first sentences:

"Topography is a field that explores the surface of land. The findings are often documented on topographic maps. Such maps usually contain many lines, known as contour lines."

First, Felicia, topography is not "a field": you can tell that because the suffix is "-graphy," which refers to writing. Second, contour lines are not unique to topographic maps, at least not unless you're a J-school grad and don't know any better. Third, that thing ain't a topographic map without contour lines; it's just a map...

Felicia goes on to... "explain" isn't the right word: let's try "attack" contour lines; all the while stuck on the notion that contour lines are only found on topographic maps. Let's see some of her stupider pronouncements:

• "One function of these markings is to show how high or low the surface is in a particular place. This is usually referred to as elevation.": What else would you call it, Felicia?
• "Sea level is the point where the surface of water and the surface of land are equal.": That's a strange way of putting it, but sort of right.
• "The space between each contour line is known as the contour interval.": Like hell it is: contour interval is the difference in value between successive contour lines. And how can you have a "space between each contour line," anyway?
• "Between two index contour lines, a person should find four lighter colored lines.": Not necessarily, dumbass.
• "Arranging contour lines in this way provides increased accuracy.": We give up...

"A person must check each map because contour lines can be represented by various measurements, such as feet, miles, or meters.": We don't know about you, but we've never seen a contour interval in miles, at least not on a topo map! "Some maps use an overhead view, which shows what the land should look like if a person is above looking down.": 'Nuff said? It's crystal clear that this moron had no idea what a contour line is before taking the assignment. What's sad is that someone reading this dreck will have learned little or nothing – perhaps less than nothing – about contour lines by reading it. We're pretty sure that alone qualifies Ms. Dye as a Dumbass of the Day.

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