Linear Feet for Dummies (Yet Again!)

The linear (running) foot

If the truth be told, we've lost count of how many times we've featured eHow.com contributors who seem confused by the concept of linear measure (it's at least five). No matter how many times we try to tell these bozos that the term "linear feet" (or yards or meters) is dependent on the width of the product, they seem to almost always think that some halfwit wants to know some sort of conversion factor. Guess who's the halfwit, though, in the Stephen Lilley article "How to Calculate Linear Feet With Dimensions"¹ (it's at HomeSteady.com, if anyone cares).

Lilley starts off inane and gets worse from there. Check out the intro our film student wrote:

"A linear foot is twelve consecutive inches that form a straight line. In other words, a liner [sic] foot is just a regular foot."

Ignorant dummy that he is, Stephen then proceeds to explain to his readers that to calculate "linear feet with dimensions," all you need do is

1. "Divide any inch measurements by '12' [sic] to convert to linear feet."
2. "Multiply any centimeter measurements by '0.033' [sic] to convert to linear feet. "
3. "Multiply any yard measurement by '3' [sic] to convert to linear feet. "

Who knows whether it was Lilley or some equally cleuless "content editor" who decided that the conversion factors should be in quotes – whoever it was, it's wrong. Besides, Stevie left out factors for meters to feet, millimeters to feet, furlongs to feet, rods to feet, chains to feet, light years to feet... because all he needed was three steps. Wait: we meant, all he needed was "3" steps...

Steve's ignorance notwithstanding, any time you run across the term "linear feet" you should be aware that someone's talking about a product of a set width: want to carpet a room? You need to know how many linear feet of carpet to buy. Want to put down hardwood flooring? The number of linear feet of wood you'll buy is dependent on the width of the boards. Let's take that last: you want to put down hardwood plan floor in a 10' x 10' room. How many linear feet of wood will you need? easy: if the plans are six inches wide, you need 200 linear feet of lumber; if they're four inches wide, you need 300 linear feet.

That is unless you're Stephen Lilley, in which case you think you need forty linear feet, because that's the perimeter of the room. Or maybe you need 120" x 120"? 3.333 x 3.333 yards? 3280.8 x 3280.8 centimeters? We give up: you lay down with a Dumbass of the Day and you get up stupid.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   http://ehow.com/how_8169541_calculate-linear-feet-dimensions.html

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