Mortise Lock Conversion, the Dummies Version

Note lip on body of mortise lock

Although the vast majority of our DotD candidates claim to be "professional writers" or bloggers (at least the ones from eHow.com), some also allow as to having other careers. Take today's nominee, returning eHowian Mark Morris, Although a professional writer (of course) and a "college perfesser," Morris also claims fifteen years as a carpenter. If all his carpentry work is as clueless as his instructions for "How to Convert Mortise Locks"¹ (a Hunker.com presentation), some houses in Oklahoma are probably falling apart...

We'll give Morris this much: he either knew or found out what a mortise lock is (probably the latter) and what needs to be done to accomplish this feat:

"A mortise lock rests in a large cavity that's carved--or mortised--from the edge of the door. To complete the conversion this cavity must be filled with wood before the new lock can be installed."

Kudos, Mark... now, if you only had some notion of how to do that... Mark starts by telling you to take out the lock. Odd, we'd probably have said to take off the door, since the work would be easier with the door on edge in the shop. Maybe Morris likes kneeling on the floor, though. Anyway, once the lock's been removed, Morris says to fill the hole with a piece of pine cut to size. It's here that he begins to show his ignorance, with instructions like,

• "Insert your tape measure into the mortise until the tip hits the back, then measure the depth of the hole." – Ain't gonna work, Mark: the tongue on the tape measure is too wide. You need to use a steel rule for your depth gauge.
• "Cut a piece of pine lumber to fill the hole. Cut the piece to the proper thickness and width on a table saw, then cut it to length using a miter saw." – No, Mark, you cut the piece to the proper thickness on a band saw. A table saw is a poor tool for cutting lumber to thickness, especially something the size of a mortise.
• "Allow the filler and glue to dry completely, then sand the door smooth with a power sander and 100 grit sandpaper." – A real carpenter would cut the mortise plug "proud" and then plane the edge before sanding it...
• To install a cylinder (not "cylindrical") lock, "Bore the striker hole in the edge of the door with a 1-inch paddle bit. " – Most people call that a spade bit, and you don't drill the "striker hole" in the edge of the door: you drill the bolt hole in the edge of the door, and usually with a 1-inch hole saw..

The most obvious clue that Morris has never converted a mortise lock, however, is that he's apparently unaware that the deep pocket he says to fill is usually surrounded by a shallow lip (see image above). He didn't even mention this, even though it would probably make filling the deep part of the pocket easier! We're leery of someone who claims to be a professional carpenter giving instructions for a task, yet 1) doesn't know the right tools for a job 2) doesn't know the standards for the job, and 3) almost certainly has never done the job he's describing. No, we're not just leery, we think this one's a Dumbass of the Day...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group and assigned to the rewrite team, resulting in yet another substandard job. In the meantime, check out Morris' near-exact copy under a different title,  ehow.com/how_8154227_replace-mortise-lock-cylindrical-lock.html

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