Oven Locks for Dummy Cooks

locked oven

One of the businesses near the Antisocial Network headquarters calls its employees "moles." No, they aren't evil spies, they're people who dig, bore, and otherwise build tunnels. Some of their tunnels are big enough to drive through! In a worker for this company, tunnel vision is a good thing... but tunnel vision isn't all that useful when you're trying to answer a simple question; one like, "How to Unlock a Locked Oven Door," posted to Hunker.com by Michelle Miley as a rewrite of an eHow.com post.

Miley's case of tunnel vision is pretty obvious, as is her apparent unfamiliarity with modern appliances. Michelle pounded out 526 words (much of it overly cutesy) about how to get an oven stuck in its self-cleaning cycle to unlock. She even has a section about,

"My Dinner Is in There: Things get a little more frustrating if a locked oven door is coming between you and your dinner..." Only a blithering idiot would start the self-cleaning cycle with food in there, since everything would burn to a crisp while setting off every smoke alarm in the building! And, in that case, most ovens have a cancel button just for blithering idiots... What Miley apparently didn't know and what her "research" for her topic was too cursory to uncover is that most modern ovens, whether on stoves or in walls, have a child lock as a safety feature. Heck, even dishwashers have child safety locks!

The solution is to RTFM. If you don't have the manual, google operator's instructions for the oven. If you're really in a hurry, many brands lock and unlock when you hold the CANCEL button for a few seconds, such as these instructions for disengaging the door lock on a Frigidaire model:

"2. To cancel the Oven Lockout feature, press clear off and hold for 3 seconds. The control will unlock the oven door and resume normal operation."

Miley couldn't be bothered to dig that deeply; instead she dashed off something useless to half her readers just to get her fifteen smackers ASAP. Around here, we call that Dumbass of the Day quality work.

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