Router Bits for Dummy Woodworkers (HSW Week 4)

Router bit profiles

Once again, we've decided to focus on just one page of the five in a HowStuffWorks.com article, mostly because none of the staff wanted to read the entire thing. Well, that, and the 300-some words Elizabeth Abbess plugged into page two of her article, "How to Choose Router Bits: Common Types of Router Bits" were all anyone around these parts needed to read to know that she simply had no idea what she was talking about.

Whatever the case, Abbess (like most HSW bylines, it seems to be a nom de plume) found herself some handy lists of router bit profiles to mine – except that the word "profile" didn't show up Elizabeth's list. Of course, she couldn't just reproduce the list, 'cause that would get her hand slapped for plagiarism. The results, however, of her copy-reword-paste job were rather amusing.

Your key: Bit profile on left, actual definition in the middle, "Abbess' definition" on the right...

Chamfer	Eases or flutes edges	"Chamfer bits cut angles and shapes in the edge of materials. This is a great bit for the handyman wishing to create decorative pieces or edging."
Edge-forming	Cut edge profiles	"For those with an especially skilled hand, edge-forming bits help with intricate edging tasks."
Flush trim	Usually used to trim laminate on countertops	"This type of bit has a giveaway name. They are used to make the edge of one material flush with another, like trim."
Joinery bits	Dovetails??	"These bits can be found in just about any shape and size, making them perfect for joining two separate materials together."
Rabbeting router bits	Cutting rabbets in flat stock	"Rabbeting bits can be purchased in sets. They're most commonly used to notch the edge of your building supplies. They cut vertically and horizontally at the same time."

There was more, but ridiculous, illogical statements like "They cut vertically and horizontally at the same time" were enough to single out this bull-slinging freelancer. Of course, that was only after learning that "joinery bits" are "perfect for joining two separate materials" and that the simple chamfer bit is wonderful for creating "decorative pieces or edging."

Any woodworkers (or wannabe woodworkers) with even brief prior exposure to router bits would be left scratching their heads by the bogosity of Abbess' claims about how different router bit profiles are used. Her lack of familiarity with routers continues, however, when she claims that, "The shank is at the end of the arbor and is the part of the bit that locks into the collet." Wait, what? The shank is part of the arbor? Or is it part of the bit? We're confused... Come to think of it, though, we're pretty sure that Elizabeth was constantly confused while copying, rewording, and pasting the article that won her the Dumbass of the Day award.

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