BIOS Changes for a PC Dummy

BIOS utility screen

Our staffers often run across questions for which there is a simple answer, questions that some mindless drone of a freelancer managed to pump out several hundred words by the simple expedient of 1) misinterpreting the question and 2) giving a wrong answer. We're talking about questions like the one we found at ItStillWorks.com; a question submitted by someone who wanted to know "How to Edit BIOS From a Command Line." The answer is generally, "You can't," but that's not what eHowian Breann Kanobi had to say.

With a very few exceptions, BIOS (Basic Input/Output Systems) cannot be accessed from within the user interface, because (after all), the user interface is part of the Input/Output. Get it, Breann? Apparently not, because Kanobi never actually said that. No, instead she provided boilerplate steps for modifying BIOS from the boot process, which is most assuredly not "from a command line." She left us wondering whether Breann even knew what command lines are. That probably shouldn't be a surprise, given her educational background (film and television).
Anyhow, Kanobi instructed her readers to,

1. Turn your computer off by pressing and holding the power button. Wait 30 seconds, and press the power button.
2. Wait about 3 seconds, and press the "F8" key to open the BIOS prompt.

At which point, everyone in the nomination meeting said in unison, "WTF? The computer's off, Breann: pressing F8 won't do jack. You need to press it while the computer reboots!"

After that bit of dumbassery, Kanobi reworded someone's basic instructions for changing parameters in the BIOS utility, then told people to

5. Tap the "Esc" key to exit BIOS, and return to your normal computer home screen.
6. Click on the "Start" menu and select "Run." Type "D:/>wmic bios get /format:list" to bring up a list of the BIOS settings. Alter the settings using the same methods you used previously.
   
   Restart the computer after changing the BIOS by clicking the "Start" button and selecting "Shut Down." Click the button that reads "Restart" and allow the computer to reboot.

That's the sort of dumbassery that is really, really hard to unpack, but we'll try. Yes, #5 is how you exit the BIOS utility, although doing to doesn't return you to "your normal computer home screen"; it resumes the (interrupted) boot sequence. As for step #6, you simply cannot change BIOS settings by looking at the list (which is unlikely to be on the D drive, anyway). You sure as heck can't change them with "the same methods"; whatever those were. Whaddanidjit!
So, to recap: we have a freelancer recounting incorrect instructions for accessing the BIOS settings and then rattling off bullshit about editing the BIOS from a list of settings; neither of which would be editing BIOS from a command line (because you can't). Think she deserves another Dumbass of the Day award? No duh.

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