API Numbers for Dummies

Abandoned wells, northwest Pennsylvania

If we weren't such hardasses about the quality of information – facts are vastly superior to bogosity – we might find some of the dumbassery of our nominees rather "cute." No, scratch that, we'd probably still find it irritating in grown-ups who are writing bullshit for pennies. Here's how eHowian Christine Meyer became today's nominee: she fumbled her way through "How to Find an API Number" for LegalBeagle.com (another Leaf Group niche site).

Meyer had no idea how to find an API number and, unfortunately, neither would anyone who read through her post. Christine pounded out almost 370 words in her little exposé, but she managed to pack her entire "how to find" into a whoppin' fifteen words. The rest? It was an explanation of how to interpret an API number; some of which was, to be polite, wrong.

Meyer did nothing but reword an SPWLA page on how to decode an API number, in the process misinforming her readers that an API number would look something like this:

42-501-20130-03-00

Sorry, Christine, API numbers don't have hyphens: the API number of the sample well is, in fact, 425012013003. Oh, yeah, and almost nobody uses the last two numbers. Sorry 'bout that. Now that we have that bullshit out of the way, let's correct some of Meyer's other booboos before we get to the real dumbassery:

• "County codes are usually odd numbers to allow for expansion of the database of wells." – Yeah, but that's not the only reason: you've never heard of a state adding a county before? Here's one: LaPaz County, Arizona; added in 1983; state/county code 42012. Ha.
• "The number '03' in the above example means that it was the third sidetracked well in the state where it is located." – We guarantee there have been more than three sidetracks in Texas. The "03" in reality means it is the third sidetrack from the same surface location.

We promised that we'd get to the real dumbassery, so here you go. Christine's assignment was to explain how to find an API number. Here's what she said:

"Locate the API number somewhere on the base of the oil or gas well. This number is usually clear and easy to find. The paperwork associated with each well describes the exact location."

That's right, this moron thinks there is a "base" for every well ever drilled. We hate to disabuse Christine of the notion, but the majority of wells that have an API number do not have a "base"; since they have been plugged and abandoned, leaving the site empty. If you want to find the API number of a well, you will need to work with the pertinent state's Geological Survey, Oil and Gas Commission, or other agency in charge of permitting wells.

What a dummy. A veritable Dumbass of the Day, eh?

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