Closets and Sloped Ceilings for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCL

2-by-2s and plywood? No!

Some of the most annoying examples of freelance dumbassery were foisted on the internet under the banner of eHow.com, especially the "how-to" articles written by J-school grads who had never in their tiny little lives actually performed whatever they claimed to be explaining. These paragons of bullshittery have always been easy for people with real knowledge to spot, mostly because the so-called instructions are riddled with incorrect information. Today's example, the HomeSteady.com post "How to Build a Closet Under a Sloped Ceiling" by one Jenn Starr, is no exception. In fact, it might well be the rule. 

Starr, who proudly boasted a BA in "news/editorial journalism," was (unfortunately) not required by Demand Media to reveal her sources. We guess that's lucky for Jenn, given that she either didn't have any or had to use her non-existent expertise to modify loosely related content she found on a mommyblog somewhere; presumably with suggestions for remodeling a bedroom. Be that as it may, we found her content to be sadly lacking. Following are some of the many tells for Starr's lack of carpentry skills we recognized with a quick skim of her post:

• "This example will use a closet measurement of wall height before slope at 36 inches. The extension out to the closet front edge is 48 inches. " – WTF does that even mean? We aren't sure, but we think she was attempting to describe the depth of the space she intended to enclose.
• "Place a 4-by-8-foot plywood sheet upright from the 48-inch mark closet edge... On the plywood sheet, mark from 36 inches up one side, lay the yardstick to hit at the corner on a diagonal and draw the diagonal chalk line... This should be a perfect 45-degree angle to match the slope." – In the first place ceilings are rarely constructed at a perfect 45° angle. In the second place, why did she even have that part about "Place a 4-by-8-foot plywood sheet upright"? And last but not least, that line she described is not a 45-degree angle! And while we're at it, you don't draw a chalk line for cutting...
• "Lay your first set of framing studs on the floor with the chalk line sitting outside the frame edge. Two 2-by-2-inch framing studs will lie exactly vertically from the wall on the floor." – First, why is this dumbass using 2-by-2 lumber for framing and second, shouldn't the top of her framing studs be cut at an angle to match the slope (whatever it actually is)? And last but not least, the only chalk line that she'd mentioned at this point was on a plywood sheet...
• "Measure the framing studs for the slope and take off 2 inches from the measured length to accommodate the wall stud interference." – Once again, WTF does "wall stud interference" even mean? 
• "You could also do miter cuts on the ends of both sets to match them flush with each other..." – You "could"? We think you'd damned well better! Not to mention that people around here know what "flush" means, even if Starr didn't.
• "Saw your plywood sheets to the correct size of the depth -- 48 inches -- the vertical height -- 36 inches -- and the 45-degree angle to the opposite corner, making a total of 96 inches to the corner." – We have no idea where the bozo got that "96 inches" bull. Given that her plywood (why is she using plywood, when drywall is preferable?) is a 48 x 48 square with one corner cut off, it's impossible for it to have a 96-inch side. Based on her description, we think the long side is about 49½ inches long.

The rest of Starr's project plans and instructions are equally senseless, but our staffers were so nauseous after reading steps one through four that they simply could not finish the remaining "information" our Dumbass of the Day shared. Needless to say, a quick review showed it to be every bit as useless as the rest of what she had to say. Feh.

DDIY - CARPENTRY