Small Decks for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLV

a small deck

One of the staffers was reviewing an old list of potential nominees we'd found at the mother lode of misinformation (eHow.com and its niche sites) when she ran across a strangely specific question that a previous awardee had "answered" for the site. In skimming the content, she realized that the author of the content, Steve Sloane, had two problems: first, he didn't understand the original question and second, he had no idea "How to Build an 8' X 4' Deck" – no matter how many words he pounded out (or more likely, reworded) for HomeSteady.com.

Sloane managed to spit out his content before Demand Media (owners of eHow) blacklisted the website DoItYourself.com, which allowed Steve to pretty much copy, reword, and paste some of the site's content; thereby producing some highly detailed but curiously sloppy instructions. While he was doing so, Steve clearly forgot that his assignment was to build a small deck 8 feet by 4 feet...

Sloane's unfamiliarity with the process revealed itself throughout the content, but we've chosen a few examples of odd notions penned by the young man with dual BAs in creative writing and film theory. Here you go:

• Assuming that any deck, even an 8-by-4 version, would need corner posts, Steve told his readers to, "[P]lace a pre-cast pier on the center of each footing.... Cut 4 vertical posts to equal length... at the required height, and fit into the piers: drill 1/2 inch holes into the wood to connect the wood to the pre-cast pier metal post anchors..." – Wait, Steve, are those "pre-cast pier[s]" or "pre-cast pier metal post anchors"? Inquiring minds want to know.
• "Install two braces on each four sides [sic] in a 'criss-cross' fashion to strengthen the structure." – Apparently Steve thought the tiny deck would be installed several feet off the ground.
• "Place the deck boards on top of, and at 90 degrees to the joists." – Did Sloane actually  think people would try to install the decking on the underside of the joists?
• "Dig a hole 12 by 12 by 12 inches at each corner for the footings, making sure that the corners of the 8-by-12 foot area are at the center of each square. – First, your footing depth is a function of the frost line and soil type, second, what "8-by-12 foot area"? The assignment was an 8-by-4 deck, dummy.

Suffice it to say, Sloane's version of a deck, replete with 4-by-10 and 2-by-10 lumber, was a tad overengineered. At least, unlike the current version of the DoItYourself.com post, our Dumbass of the Day didn't suggest using "1.25x6-inch" lumber...

DDIY - DECKS