Faucet Leaks for DIY Dummies

Leaky faucet

For unknown reasons, some freelancers seem to find it necessary to share their latest home repair "triumphs" with the world (in hopes of getting eyeballs from others who are likewise handyperson-challenged). This is especially common with smaller do-it-yourself jobs, although some of the more brazen try to pass along whatever tiny bits of knowledge they've accumulated while watching someone competent –or for that matter, incompetent – tackle a complex task. What we have found, however, is that much of the help these money-grubbers is basically useless if for only one reason: the author has only performed the task once, and has no idea how to compose a set of generalized instructions. Take, for instance, the so-called "story" "Repair a Leaky Bathroom Faucet"¹ scribbled down for suite.io (back in the suite100.com days) by one S. Elliott. 

To be sure, Elliott begins her article by mentioning "washer type faucets"; but once she gets that little detail out of the way the instructions start getting strange. Our staff plumber, who's done this little task more than once -- way more -- read through the instructions and found them... lacking. Elliot starts out having you pop off the decorative cover and remove the handle -- so far, so good. Then we get to

"Under the handle there will be a nut that you'll have to unscrew too.

Once the nut is out, unscrew the remaining rod or stem and remove it."

"...unscrew the remaining rod or stem..."? Is she kidding? First off, most of these older compression-style faucets also have an escutcheon you'll need to remove to get to the valve (a word she never uses) and second, the bozo prattled on about a Phillips screwdriver for a paragraph but doesn't mention that you'll need at least an adjustable wrench for these two steps, the dumbass. And then there's this inanity: "Remove the screw holding the washer in place and take out the washer. Even if the washer looks okay, replace it. You can use it as a model from which to source a replacement at your plumbing supply store....You can usually find kits of generic washers that may work, or locate the manufacturer's OEM supplies and match the model of your faucet to the manufacturer's preferred parts"

"...the manufacturer's OEM supplies..."? Shirley, you jest... Of course, if you were working with a cartridge- or ball-valve faucet, that suggestion might be useful. But Elliott's crack research team didn't notice that the washer is almost certain to be of the generic variety -- something she'd know if she'd replaced more that one faucet washer before sharing her vast "expertise."

S. completes her "sharing" by informing her readers that 

"Chances are that a replacement washer will make your bathroom faucet work like new, but if it doesn’t stop the leak, or only works for a short time, consider replacing or resurfacing the washer seat as your next step in finding a long-term fix."

Perhaps -- and perhaps you put on the wrong washer, since Elliott's instructions didn't mention that since the old washer has been mashed flat, the correct new washer will "look different." We suggest, however, that instead of resurfacing the valve seat (not "washer seat"), you might want to consider simply replacing the faucet, unless you already own the seat-dresser. Of course you could do it her way, but that would make you a candidate for Dumbass of the Day, too.

¹ This website is now defunct, and archive.org's Wayback machine never made a copy of the post. Oh, well, no loss...

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