Pergola Construction for Dummies (Carpentry Week 2)

Typical pergola

If you're in search of help for your latest DIY project, chances are you've already consulted with your favorite search engine, very likely searching on the phrase "how to build..." You probably got a gazillion results, and some of them were basically useless. "Useless" can mean a lot of things, but one of them is the old bait-and-switch. That's when you think you're going to get project plans and other useful information, but instead there's just blather stuffed with keywords. 

Take, for instance, "Building A Pergola Takes Patience And Enthusiasm," written by annakec (Anna Kec, aka Anna Damis) at InfoBarrel.com.¹ You'd expect to find at least something about how to build a pergola, right? But here's what you're going to get from Anna's post:

1. Find some plans for a pergola
2. Follow the instructions with the plans
3. Here, these are some of the instructions your instructions may instruct you. Sort of.

We mean, get real, Anna! If we buy a book ("manual," as you called it) or download plans with instructions from the DoItYourself Network or HomeDepot.com like you suggest; why the hell would we need your post? Huh? By the way, it takes more than "patience and enthusiasm" to complete any project: it takes some tools and some skill. It especially takes skill if a reader is going to try to follow Anna's instructions, generalities and half-baked rubbish like

"The next step is to prepare the cedar posts by cutting them with the reciprocating saw and the miter saw to the correct measurements listed in the instructions, and then put some gravel into each hole before placing the cedar posts. Use the level to make sure that all the posts are level with each other. Prepare and pour some quick drying cement into each hole and let it set for the next 24 hours. Since these are the posts that will support the pergola, they need to be completely secure and level in the ground before proceeding to the next step." Here's our list of problems with that "step":

1. Use a reciprocating saw and a miter saw to cut 4x4s? WTF??? And cut them to length before placing them? That makes no sense: it's a lot easier to set all the posts and then cut them to length after they're secure.
2. "...make sure all the posts are level with each other..."? Don't you want them plumb, Anna? Don't you care, Anna? Do you even know the difference?

Anna has more instructions about the "joists" that support the top of your pergola. We found it interesting that she says they should be attached with bolts through the posts, which seems to be a waste of perfectly good bolts given that these beams only support the weight of the slats -- by definition, a pergola doesn't have a roof, after all. Anna finishes her instructions with this step:

"The connecting beams for the top slats will be cut next. Space these vertical to the supporting beams, and then use galvanized deck screws to attach them in place. Finish the wood with stain or paint. If panels are included in the design, follow the instructions to install."

We have a list of problems for that one, too:

1. What on earth does "Space [them] vertical to the supporting beams" mean?
2. If the "beams" are vertical, which is pretty much what most pergolas look like, how do you "attach them with... deck screws"?
3. Wait a minute: are these "connecting beams for the top slats" or are they the "slats" themselves? 

See why we think Anna Kec is a dumbass? She tells us to get plans and instructions somewhere else; then proceeds to give misleading, confusing, and downright half-assed instructions of her own. Around the Antisocial Network, we call that kind of "how-to" content a darned good reason to call her the Dumbass of the Day.

¹ All the user-generated content at InfoBarrel has been deleted and the owners had attempted to recast the site as "green." You can still read Kec's dreck by using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   infobarrel.com/Building_A_Pergola_Takes_Patience_And_Enthusiasm

copyright © 2015-2023 scmrak

DDIY - DECKS