Building a Deck, the Dummy Method

This deck needs a railing...

Every once in a while the Antisocial Network's crack research team runs across freelance how-to instructions published by someone who actually admits not having performed the task they're describing. Usually, it's someone describing what her husband or boyfriend did while she watched. Heck, she might have actually helped, but ten year old kids "help" on jobs like those, too. Anyway, the person who actually did the work may have been relatively competent, but when it comes to passing along the information, the contributor... well, to say the contributor is feeding readers bull is kind. So let's be kind to Rhonda Lytle of Hubpages niche site dengarden.com, as she tries to explain "How to Build Your Own Elevated Deck on Uneven Ground - DIY - Small Budget, Minimal Cuts" from the viewpoint of the tool-illiterate. 

What Lytle's done here is to write a little story about building a deck on "uneven ground," which she explains somewhere in the posts means that "The posts by the stairs are on higher ground that the ones on the other side by almost a foot. From one side of the stairs to the other is a 10 1/2 inch slope." We don't know what to think of that: is it a 10½" drop over the width of the stairs? over the width of the deck (supposedly 8 feet)? over the length of the deck (supposedly 20 feet)? The latter two aren't particularly uneven, the first is a cliff... Rhonda explains that the deck is 8 feet wide because that's the length of a sheet of plywood. Yes, they decked it with plywood: good luck getting proper drainage off that deck, Lytles! But never mind: here are the clues that Rhonda has no friggin' idea what she's talking about:

1. "Once [they're] dug, line the hole with a few inches of rocks to ensure the posts will not sink over time..." No, Rhonda, the rocks at the bottom are to improve drainage so the bottom of the post won't rot - not to keep it from sinking!
2. The Lytles built the deck frame on the ground and then set it upright (holy shit!). Rhonda says, "You will need to drill the holes for the bolts. Be sure to use a level before attaching the boards so everything stays good and straight..." though we're not certain how you use a level when you're framing the deck on the ground. Maybe she's confused a level with a square?
3. "Mix one bag [of cement] at a time in a wheel barrel according to the directions on the bag." Mix it in a what?
4. "Heavy duty bolts were used to make these connections. Don't take a chance with a light wieght [sic] bolt." What's a "heavy duty" bolt? One-inch diameter? We note that Rhonda's parts list includes 3/8-inch bolts, which are not considered "heavy duty"...
5. "Attach the floor joists. The attachments here were done using joist hangers also known as hurricane clips." No, Rhonda, the picture you showed is just a joist hanger. Besides, you don't use hurricane clips on joists, you use them on rafters.
6. "Put in the struts between the joists." No, Rhonda, that's called "blocking" -- no friggin' idea where "strut" comes from.
7. All the framing is 2 x 6. which is, frankly, too small - the rim joist on a 20-foot should probably be a 2 x 10 and the floor joists 2 x 6. 
8. She never mentions that the plywood has to be treated exterior plywood...
9. And last, but not least, these morons built a deck that's at least 30" off the ground and didn't put a railing on it. Can you say, "Code violation"?

This may be our first husband-and-wife dumbass team: Hubby's deck frame's under-engineered, they're gonna have a helluva time with drainage, and the platform doesn't have a railing; plus Rhonda has no idea what she's talking about, but writes a "how-to" anyway. Anyone else think they fully deserve their Dumbass of the Day award?

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