Aging Wood, the Dummy Method

Naturally Aged Wood

If you've ever built a project or done any sort of woodworking with salvaged wood (especially some really cool old barn wood), you may have wondered how to make fresh cuts look as old as the surfaces that have been exposed to the elements for years or decades. The fresh cuts are lighter and lack the character of something that's been rained on, walked on, or otherwise had a tough life. Well, if you wondered, you probably didn't want the kind of worthless advice offer up by eHow.com's Neal Litherland. Apparently getting a degree in criminal justice doesn't prepare the recipient to explain, "How to Make Fresh Cut Wood Look Old."

"If you want to make something that looks old from new materials, all it takes is a few tips and tricks and you can make something that looks antique without having to scrounge for old wood for your project."

...and he's fully prepared to 'splain. Litherland wants you to start by breaking the edges of the boards. Already he's off track: first, you're asking about fresh cuts (presumably in aged wood), not lumber just delivered to Lowe's last week. But, OK... So given your fresh lumber (as opposed to fresh cuts), Litherland suggests that you lay a screw across the wood and tap it with a hammer hit the wood in clusters with the head of a hammer drag a paint can opener down the wood to create a groove slap the wood with chains In other words, distress the wood. Once you've finished that task, you're supposed to

"Brush on a coat of stain. Once the stain has set for a few minutes, wipe it off with a clean rag. A light soaking of the stain will make it look faded and it will gather in the distressed areas to create a worn, lived in look."

Sorry, Neal, but a light coat of stain on a new piece of lumber doesn't make it look faded: it makes it look lightly stained. If you've distressed it, it just looks like stained distressed wood. Trust us on that: that's according to our chief carpenter, who once worked in a cabinet factory distressing wood.

If you really want to age the wood, you need to use techniques like those that forgers use to age paper: soak it in tea or coffee or even rub it with mud. The latter is especially useful, since natural mud isn't as consistent as commercial stain, so it'll impart a spotty and uneven color to the fresh cuts. Splash on some water used to cook vegetables like beets or maybe a bit of red wine and rub it around with a rag. You can also use a solution of white vinegar that some steel wool has soaked in for a while.

But stain? Surely you jest – or maybe you just write for eHow. As far as we're concerned, that means you're a prime candidate for Dumbass of the Day.

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