Got a Leaky Toilet? Fix it, Dummy!

Parts of a toilet

Given how much it could cost for the local plumber to grace your home with his or her presence, it's small wonder that wouldbe do-it-yourselfers scour the internet looking for solutions when they have problems with their pipes. Heaven help 'em, however, if when they have a leaky toilet, their internet search leads them to the rubbish that populated good old eHow.com. No, for Demand Media one piece of crap about how to repair a toilet isn't enough – they have lots, like this inept article published by serial plumbing dumbass Steven Symes, entitled "Troubleshooting a Leaking Toilet."¹

Symes begins by explaining that

"Toilets may leak internally or externally. External leaks can leave pools of water on the bathroom floor which can eventually cause severe water damage. Internal toilet leaks require the tank to continually refill, wasting water. Finding the location of a toilet leak takes careful examination and troubleshooting skills."

We aren't so sure it takes "careful examination" to decide whether there's water on the floor or the john just suffers from phantom flushes, but OK. For once, Symes – unlike many eHowians – seems to know that toilet tanks can leak around the bolts that hold the tank to the seat (most of the rest seem to think tank leaks mean cracks). He gets the phantom leak part half right; suggesting modification of the chain and replacement of the flapper (nothing about floats or valves, though). It's when he gets to the hard part (the one that most DIY plumbers never tackle) that Symes gets lost.

Yep, we're talking about a bad seal between the toilet and the flange. According to Steven, the first thing you should do is

"Pull off the plastic dome caps on the base of the toilet if the water collects around the base of the toilet. Tighten the nuts on the closet flange bolts using a wrench, stopping once you feel resistance from the nuts."

Whoa, Steven! Unless the toilet was installed by an idiot, those nuts are already plenty tight. If that baby isn't rocking, you can easily crack the porcelain by overtightening them! Not content with that bad advice, Steven continues:

"Unseat the toilet from the floor if the leaking at the base of the toilet continues. Close the toilet’s water valve and flush the toilet once to empty the water out of it, and then remove the nuts from the closet flange bolts using a wrench. Pull up on the toilet to remove it from the closet bolts and set it aside."

Dude, that is a GROSS oversimplification (no pun intended)! For one thing, you also have to disconnect the supply line and, unless you're superman, you'd better take apart the tank and the seat: together they weigh about 90 pounds plus the weight of any trapped water. But even if the DIYer is smart enough to figure that out, Symes continues to misinform: "Scrape the wax ring off the flange on the floor with a putty knife and then examine the flange for damage. Apply silicone caulk to the underside of the repair strap, if you find the flange is damaged, and then drive screws through the anchor holes in the repair strap and into the floor."

What's a "repair strap," Steven? Did you mean a flange repair ring? Then you should have said that... Oh, and by the way, you'd better clean the wax off the horn of the toilet, too, or you'll just have a leaky repair. We hear that mineral spirits are the way to go for getting every last bit of wax off. Should've said that, too! Symes' final bit of bad advice is

"Place a new wax seal, with the rounded side pointing up toward the toilet, on the repair strap, and replace the toilet."

Again with the "strap" bullshit. But the worst part of that is that no plumber with a brain would put the wax ring on the flange: you put it on the (cleaned) horn of the toilet so you don't partially crush it manhandling the giant hunk of porcelain. Otherwise, you'll very likely create a new (and potentially worse) leak. Dumbass.

For having the gall to provide incorrect instructions for something he's likely never done himself, Steven Symes more than deserves his second Dumbass of the Day award. Somehow we doubt it'll be his last...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was    ehow.com/how_12070116_troubleshooting-leaking-toilet.html

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