Driving Tips for Dummies

Flat tire

The vast majority of the time the bad advice and misinformation provided by greed-sucking internet freelancers merely wastes your time and, occasionally, your money. Sometimes, however, in the process of rewording good advice from a valid source the freelancer manages to either change the meaning of the words or omit critical information, and you end up with advice that is dangerous. Such is the case of InfoBarrel's Alex Gopson, who hacked away at an article from Edmunds to "write" (we use the term loosely) "Car Emergency Tips Every Young Driver Should Know."¹

As far as Alex is concerned, apparently there are only three such emergencies: skids, blowouts, and sudden engine failure (the Edmunds article's count is ten, including sudden acceleration and crisis maneuvers). Even with those three, though, Alex was only partially right. Let's see what he got wrong, starting with skids: 

"Get off the gas.  Depending on your speed, it might be best to not even touch the brakes.  You are asking a lot of your car to brake and turn at the same time.  It is best to focus on turning."

Differences in varieties of English notwithstanding ("'get' off the gas"?), this is Gopson's worst, most dangerous advice: "Depending on your speed, it might be best to not even touch the brakes." No, Alex, it doesn't depend on your speed. Do NOT touch your brakes, no matter what your speed. And Alex, although you apparently don't know it, the manner in which a driver must react to a skid differs depending on which wheels have lost traction and on whether the vehicle is front- or rear-wheel drive. Why didn't you share that? 

Here's what the dummy says about blowouts:

"...it is also important to note here that tire blowouts can easily be prevented.  Buy a $2 tire pressure gauge and check your tires out every time you fill it up with gas."

We don't know where Alex shops, but we haven't seen a two-dollar tire pressure gauge since the 1980s. Be that as it may, keeping your tires properly pressurized is a good idea, but it won't prevent most blowouts. You also need to inspect the tires for tread separation and sidewall cracks whenever you fill up. More to the point, though, many blowouts are caused by road hazards. By the way, this section is almost entirely copy-pasted from the Edmunds article, right down to the "squeeze the pedal" advice. A dumbass and a plagiarist! And last but not least, there's what Alex calls sudden engine death: "Many people have a huge fear of the car randomly shutting off for some reason.  Maybe they are out of gas and didn't know it. "

Apparently Alex has 1) never driven a modern automobile -- you know, the kind with a bright yellow or red "Low Fuel" idiot light, and 2) has never run out of gas while driving. We've run out of gas a few times, and the car doesn't just quit, it sputters and falters to let you know there's a problem. Since your engine has stopped running, power brakes and steering (which are actually power-assisted brakes and steering) become manual brakes and steering, just like Grandpa's 1953 Ford. Alex says,

"That means it will be more difficult to push the brake pedal, and will require more strength to turn the steering wheel.  However, they still function, and are meant to resort to still function mechanically."

Badly-written, Alex, or perhaps we should say, "badly re-written." It's not "more difficult" to push the brake pedal, it's more difficult to stop the vehicle. And wtf does "meant to resort to still function mechanically" mean? Did you forget to delete "to resort" when you reworded this? Mr. Gopson's advice is off-point and incomplete. In our book, that makes it potentially dangerous and it makes Alex a dumbass: a Dumbass of the Day, to be precise.

¹ InfoBarrel has deleted all user-generated content and become a "green" website, but this post can still be reead by using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   infobarrel.com/Car_Emergency_Tips_Every_Young_Driver_Should_Know

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