Drilling Rigs for Utter Dummies (The Oil Biz Week)

Where's that large ship, Aaron Marquis?

After just three days of dumbassery disguised as  "information" about the oil and gas business, the staffers here at the Antisocial Network have begun to wonder just how stupid can people be? Not only do they know nothing about a topic, they happily allow other people who know nothing about that topic to "inform" them (isn't that the business model of talk radio?). A case in point: eHow.com's Aaron Marquis, here holding forth on "Facts About Oil Rigs" at Sciencing.com. Although Aaron may have graduated from the University of Texas, he apparently knows more about comedy than the oil patch. He probably isn't funny, either.

Here's where Aaron got it wrong:  "Oil rigs are a necessary tool in the exploration, extraction and refinement of oil deposits both on land and at sea. If you live in a coastal city, particularly a city that contains oil refineries, you may be able to see oil rigs from the shore of your local beach."  We're confused: how does a rig contribute to "refinement"? Why didn't you call it "refining" like everyone else? Why did you show a picture of an offshore production platform if you're talking about "rigs"? And why did you think  "Oil rigs are interesting for their intricate processes, regulations and sheer numbers globally." makes any sense? Oh, wait - you were writing for eHow.com, so you didn't care about sense; just cents. That's why even more dumbassery ensues...

"Oil rigs, unlike their predecessors from the early days of oil drilling, are quite portable, and can be transported from one drilling site to the next. The tall derrick located on the oil rigs contains the drilling pipe and bits necessary to pierce the bedrock in search of oil. When the oil rig has pumped all of the available oil from the location, the well is sealed and the pipe equipment is hauled back onto the rig. A large ship then tows the rig to its next destination."

There are serious problems with your factoids, Marquis: 1) The derrick doesn't [contain] the drilling pipe and bits necessary to pierce the bedrock in search of oil" – the derrick's basically a crane; tall that way to lift 30-foot lengths of pipe into place. The pipe is stacked leaning against the derrick, and the bit? well, that piece is in the ground most of the time. 2) Drilling rigs don't pump oil, they drill. Get that through your eHowian skull. 3) Do you really think that "the pipe equipment is hauled back onto the rig [and a] large ship then tows the rig to its next destination"? In the first place, the drilling pipe isn't used for pumping and in the second place, we have yet to see a "large ship" towing a drilling rig into place in North Dakota or upstate New York. You're even dumber than we thought at first, Aaron.

Last, but not least, Aaron gleefully informed us that 

"Six types of oil rigs operate around the world collecting oil..."

His dumbass assertion that rigs "collect oil" notwithstanding, Aaron remained fixated on offshore exploration, and never said a word about onshore rigs, which is the main reason why the Antisocial Network has named him their Dumbass of the Day. Oh, well, at least he didn't tell us there are "layers of oil" "under the dirt."

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