Wildcat Drilling for Dummies (Oil Biz Week)

Probably no business, except perhaps lawyering, is more reviled than big oil. This week we're featuring dumbasses who we found attempting to get rich by telling everyone on the "awl bidness" even though they know nothing about it. Our first awardee of Oil Biz Week comes (no surprise here) from good old eHow, where Brittany Prock once informed the world "How to Drill for Oil on Your Land in Kansas."¹ At least she  wasn't talking about our back yards, but we'll get to that later. Brittany's instructions, in short, break down as "1) Test your property to determine the possibility of the presence of oil below the surface. Hire one of the many geologists or oil drilling specialists in your area..."

Ummm, test your property by hiring someone? Seems to the house oil-patch veteran that the instructions could be better than just "hire someone" -- like, perhaps, shooting seismic or mapping the subsurface -- but what does he know: he only spent three decades in the business. Brittany continues with

"2) Complete required documentation for setting up an oil drill in Kansas."

We assume that translates from BrittSpeak to "Get a permit," though we're not sure you need a permit to "set up an oil drill" (whatever an "oil drill" is). You do need a permit to start drilling, though... Moving on:

"3) Locate a drilling equipment sales company to purchase your drill."

Oh, sure: you wanna drill one well, you buy your own "oil drill." Listen up, dumbass: even the big companies don't buy their own "oil drills"; they hire specialists to do the job. And then you're supposed to...

"4) File monthly and yearly reports with the Kansas Corporation Commission. Report your monthly oil production, if any, and the depth of your well..."

Uh, Ms Prock, when do you actually use that "oil drill"?

Before we get to the award ceremony, we need to get something straight: that thing you call an "oil drill" is known as either an oil rig or a drilling rig, never an "oil drill." Got it? Regardless, anyone who follows Brittany's instructions (even after correcting them) will never find oil. Why? Because Brittany forgot to tell us to drill a well. We think that's clear evidence that she knows squat about the oil business, which still didn't stop her from telling us "all" about it. In our book, that makes her the Dumbass of the Day.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group (we swear – they must read this blog!), but you can still see it using Archive.org's wayback machine. The URL was  ehow.com/how_8633840_drill-oil-land-kansas.html

copyright © 2015-2023 scmrak

SE - OIL