Plate Tectonics for Dummies

Rifting

"Science am hard!" At least, that seems to be the opinion of the freelance writing crowd. If it were easy, they'd get it right, right? It must be incredibly difficult, however, because so many of them are soooo confused. Take, or instance, Chris Burke of eHow.com who, though blithely devoid of any actual knowledge, still collected a fifteen-dollar stipend from Demand Media for his "Description of Plate Tectonic Theory."¹

Chris apparently slept through the earth science section in fifth grade and didn't bother to take Rocks for Jocks while getting his BA in "international affairs." We can tell that from his introductory paragraph, which is written at the intellectual level of a fourth-grader:

"From volcanoes in Indonesia to the Himalaya Mountains to the Hawaiian Islands, many parts of the world owe their existence to the dynamics of plate tectonics, according to plate tectonic theory. The theory suggests the top layer of the Earth, called the lithosphere, is divided into several sections called plates that float on top of the asthenosphere, a layer of hot liquid rock called magma. Like ice floes on a lake, these plates drift from 1 to 10 centimeters per year. The interactions of these plates as they separate and converge affects the Earth’s geography by creating mountains and volcanoes."

We  roused the Antisocial Network's chief geologist from his nap and showed him this paragraph. He groaned and slapped his head. "First off," he said, "What's this bull about 'many parts'? It's a central tenet of the theory that the planet's whole damn' surface has been built by plate tectonics." He read on for a moment and then groaned even louder: "WTF is this other bullshit about the asthenosphere being 'liquid rock called magma'? Jay-zuz: they paid Burke to write this bullshit? Where can I get a gig like that?"

He also giggled uncontrollably at 

"...continental plates... makeup [sic] dry land. Continental plates often have an outer ring of ocean plates."

Chris falls victim to a typical oversimplification: Some parts of oceanic plates are dry, some parts of continental plates are wet. As for the "outer ring," we assume that's his understanding (such as it is) of the trailing edge of a continental plate, e.g., the western half of the Atlantic Ocean basin that's -- gasp! -- part of the North American plate. Duh. But Burke's not done yet:

"...subduction allows magma to escape onto the surface, ultimately creating volcanoes."

Ummm, no: subduction actually creates magma (there isn't a gigantic pool there under the crust) when subducted crust encounters high temperatures at depth and subsequently melts. The melted rock is lighter than solid rock, and thus heads for the surface as a result of buoyancy. Ignoramus. But he's still not done - check out this load of dumbassery!

"The magma released from the asthenosphere as a result of divergence creates large underwater mountains that can grow high enough to breach the surface of the water, creating islands. The Hawaiian Islands formed in this way" Once again, the asthenosphere isn't a puddle of magma, you jackass. And perhaps you should have read a little closer on that "Hawaii" bit, since the Hawaiian Islands aren't on a spreading center - they're believed to sit above what is known as a mantle plume or "hot spot."

So this fool was paid to misinform his readers in every paragraph of his content, a significant contribution to the stupidification of the internet. So who's the dumbass here? We're tagging Chris Burke as our Dumbass of the Day, but everyone who accepts eHow's bull at face value is a runner-up. 

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was    ehow.com/info_8564656_description-plate-tectonic-theory.html

copyright © 2015-2022 scmrak

SI - GEOLOGY