Mineral Formation for Dummies

Crystal lattice of diamond

Q: Do you know how to tell a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Other than being somewhat sexist (the American Bar Association says its membership is about one-third female) and a bit of a generalization, that's probably accurate. Here at the Antisocial Network, we have a corollary of sorts:

Q: How can you tell an eHow.com contributor is bullshitting?
A: There are words on the screen.

OK, perhaps a little harsh; but true too often to be ignored. Let's take a f'rinstance, that of eHowian Max Roman Dilthey, expounding on "How Are Minerals Formed?" at Sciencing.com. Is Max bullshitting or not bullshitting? We think the former...

We think that because several things that Max wrote can charitably be considered suspect. If Max hadn't claimed to be a professional writer, we might chalk them up to clumsy construction (of course eHow wouldn't allow that, would they?) but since he's a pro, they look like bullshit. Here are some:

"Minerals are... arranged in unique geometric patterns at the atomic level." Not true: every mineral is defined by its crystal lattice. There are only seven basic geometric patterns (crystal systems) in about 30 possible variations. That doesn't mean "unique," by any stretch of the imagination "Since minerals are pure, they can all be written as a single chemical formula." Many minerals, including some of the most common (e.g., plagioclase feldspar) contain a range of elements that substitute for each other in the crystal. These are not "impurities"...  "Silicates in the magma can form minerals such as hornblende and other igneous rocks as the magma cools." Hornblende isn't a rock, it's a mineral; and those "silicates" Dilthey cites comprise a vast family of minerals, not some random components in a melt. Idiot.

• "Extrusive rocks are formed from minerals that crystallized quickly as magma cooled outside Earth's crust." Well, no: once magma gets "outside the earth's crust," it is technically "lava," Max (though geologists say "on the surface...")
• "When a mineral is suspended in a solution, it can collect as the water in the solution evaporates into the air." It's not a mineral if it's in suspension, Max. Go take a chemistry class!
• "[E]vaporites... form at high temperatures from the evaporation of seawater." Depends on your definition of "high," Max: evaporites can form at any temperature as long as the water remains liquid, so we imagine your definition of "high temperature" entails having a fever. Dumbass.

Yep, another eHow contributor bullshitting the internet -- you know this 'cause there are words on your screen. For his contribution to the stupidification of of the worldwide web and middle-schoolers everywhere, we hereby award Max Roman Dilthey the coveted Dumbass of the Day. Sorry, there's no stipend...

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