Torture, the Dummies Version

Scorpion

People search for some of the weirdest things on the internet, and the website we here at the Antisocial Network call the "mother lode of misinformation" stands ever at the ready to help them find that information. Sort of. We are, of course, talking about eHow.com and its stable of freelancers, many of whom are ill-equipped indeed to answer a question that involves technology, science, or anything more complicated than the voting rules for American Idol. Take repeat offender Baptist Johnson, recently found attempting to answer what we found a quite bizarre request, "How to Cut off the Tail of a Scorpion."¹

We had to think about that one for a while: why would anyone want to do that? But a more pressing question is, "Why does Johnson think the OQ wants to cut off the tail of a live scorpion?" Yet those are his instructions: grab the live scorpion (wearing gloves, of course) and pull off its stingy old tail with needle-nose pliers. I guess he figured the original questioner wanted to de-sting a scorpion to make it a pet, like someone de-stinks a skunk. Sheesh...

Johnson's in fine form on this one, opening his edifying with this salvo: "Often, the sight of a scorpion is enough to illicit [sic] fear in person." Whassamatter, Baptist? Your dictionary doesn't have the word "elicit"? and what moronic content editor let that faux pas pass, anyway? Johnson has more, though: "Nevertheless, most scorpions found in America are no more dangerous than the common honey bee. While all scorpions do create venom, only a few pose a serious threat to humans. Common symptoms of a scorpion sting are irritation, mild pain and temporary numbness. Still, if you would like to remove the tail from a scorpion, you can do so."

Which, of course, raises two questions: 

1. Why would someone want torture a living scorpion by removing its tail? Is this practice for future serial killings or something?
2. What does removing its tail have to do with stinging? Sure, we know, but this is eHow: you're supposed to pad your content with extraneous information, even if it's general knowledge!

It's disturbing that Johnson found a video (which, happily, is now "unavailable") on YouTube showing this procedure; and even more disturbing that this content has been up on the website since at least 2012, according to the wonderful folks at the Internet Archive. We understand why someone might be so afraid of scorpions that he (or she) wants to kill any that appear, and perhaps that person might want a souvenir. But for believing it necessary to perform the amputation while the creature is still alive, we think Baptist deserves a Creep of the Day award. All, however, we hand out is a Dumbass of the Day award -- and that will have to do.

¹ After almost a decade, the original has finally been deleted by Leaf Group. It can still be accessed, however, using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_8552463_cut-off-tail-scorpion.html

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