Graphing Equations for the Innumerate (Math Week 6)

A typical table of values

The hallmark of the internet freelancer who's producing utter bullshit is the inability to answer simple questions. We see it all the time, especially on websites where people are paid for their "answers" – and yes, we mean eHow.com and, to a lesser extent, sites like Hubpages.com. This inability stems from ignorance of the topic at hand, and is often evident from almost the first words written; say, for instance, a writer's inability to define the terminology or introduce the most basic concepts. One of our favorite (NOT!) writers when it comes to faking knowledge is Naima Manal (a ten-time recipient of the DotD), whom we found attempting to explain a simple mathematical concept (and doing a lousy job of it) in "Definition of Table of Values" at Sciencing.com. Feh.

Naima says that a table of values is...

"A table of values is a list of numbers that are used to substitute one variable, such as within an equation of a line and other functions, to find the value of the other variable, or missing number."

No, Naima, you got that wrong, not that we're surprised by anything you get wrong. A table of values is, in fact, two lists of numbers; pairs of x and y values that solve some equation. For example, given the equation y = x - 3, your table would include the (x, y) pairs (5, 2), (4, 1), (3, 0), etc. Frankly, we can only guess at what you're talking about with that definition – after all, a table only contains SOLVED pairs – those for which the substitution, etc, has already been performed. Idiot... Naima did come close to the actual definition (we suspect that was probably by accident) while she was padding her answer out to meet eHow.com's minimum word count. That's when she declared that "Each equation has its own table of values by which the first column is used to find the second column. All of the resulting numbers answer the statement of the equation, such that y is equal to the value of x's calculation in the equation..."

...though you must admit that the prose is rather tortured (that minimum word count thing again, perhaps). The remainder of the post is a contest between Manal's ineptitude as a writer and her unfamiliarity with basic mathematics. Consider rubbish like

• "Once the table of values is completed, it is a simplified process to pull out the ordered pairs of (x,y) values..." Gee, Naima -- isn't that how you construct the table in the first place? Not to mention that "a simplified process" sends shivers down the spine of our grammarian!
• "Graphing a line from a table of values is not difficult. With just two coordinated pairs, (x,y) values that represent points on the line, the line can be drawn out and extended along its path, beyond the two graphed points." Clearly, Naima's never heard of non-linear equations: we doubt that she could graph y = x² from just two points. Grammatically speaking, WTF are "coordinated pairs"?

No, folks, we figure that Naima (who, BTW, claims to be homeschooling her unfortunate children) had no idea what a table of values is before her "research." Unfortunately, those who read this bull still won't know what a table of values is after completing it. Incompetence like this is why Manal is now our Dumbass of the Day for the eleventh time...

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