Mapping for Dummies

Topographic map example (Stowe, Vermont)

We see all manner of dumbassery as our research team sifts through the internet looking for the rubbish barfed up by penny-hungry freelancers. We have admit that sometimes it feels as if we're the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dike; but even though it's a dirty job, someone has to do it. That and we occasionally earn a few pennies for our efforts (not to mention lots of CAPS-rich comments from some Filipino by the name of "Deeshu" who seems to have lots of pen names). Whatever. But search we do, and we're never at a loss for another chance to skewer a dumbass. Is that a good think? No, but we do it anyway - and today, we're gonna do it to Suite's Angela Schnaubelt, who somehow managed to mess up the super-simple concept of "What are the Different Types of Geography Maps?"¹

We assume Angela finessed this title from the queue at eHow, because no one who claims to be a "citizen journalist" should be stupid enough to write a title of such redundancy herself. Whatever the case, Angela parlayed her French B.A. into a soupçon of dumbassery; to wit:

"Technology has improved accuracy and availability of information to put on maps, as well as usage."

and

"Maps are tools for depicting the geographic distribution of information."

We're not quite sure what either of those is supposed to mean... but they're samples of Angela's writing (translated from French, perhaps?). And once she gets into factual matters, well, it's no holds barred in the bullshit corral, with plenty of statements like

"Maps that show the relationship of geographic features to one another are called topographic maps."

Well, no, they're not, Ms. Schnaubelt. All maps show the relationship of geographic features to one another. Topographic maps depict the three-dimensional surface of the Earth in two dimensions: that's what makes them different. Angela goes on to list several things she thinks are important about topographic maps, but in her list the closest she gets to the actual definition of a topographic map is saying that they depict "details on the contours of the earth." She never actually uses the word "elevation," which is essential to the definition of this type of map (though she does mention bathymetry and "altitude" -- maybe that latter means elevation to Angela). Other bits of dumbassery include Schnaubelt's assertion that "The earth is a dynamic planet, both with its human systems, and geologically. Some historical maps show what was perceived to be the geography of the planet at the time."

We're not real sure why Angela thinks the geology of the planet acts quickly enough to change its geography on the historic time scale - perhaps she should have taken a science class (or a history [or geography]) class while getting that BA... but wait, there's more. For one, she thinks that a geological map is a form of geographic map (it's not) and conflates maps of earthquake epicenters with geologic maps. And finally, Schnaubelt claims that

"Modern technology has increased the types of maps that can be made, for example, nautical maps with accurate details of the ocean floors."

We remain uncertain why Angela thinks that accurate bathymetric maps were unknown before modern technology. Even in a liberal arts course, she should have run across the origin of Samuel Clemens' pen name, "Mark Twain," which certainly suggests that sailors and boatmen were taking depth soundings even in the nineteenth century!

In reality, Schnaubelt conflates geography with geology and geology with history, totally blowing the definition and description of a topographic map. That's the kind of misinformation that we think is plenty qualification enough for the Dumbass of the Day award.

¹ This website is now defunct, and archive.org's Wayback machine never made a copy of the post. Oh, well, no loss...

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