Bogus Reviews for the Dummy Shopper

Skil worm-drive circular saw

It's odd, but we seem to have been at this point before, or at least in the same neighborhood. Although we know that there are thousands of faked product reviews out there, it's not always easy to identify them. One site that was infamous for so-called "drive-by reviews" (product reviews written by people who never actually used the product) was Epinions.com. While most of the now-defunct site's reviews were legitimate, the desperate need to make extra money in the high payout categories (just about anything with a cord) drove some members to "stre-e-e-tch" the facts a bit; members like Dionne25 who explained how much someone else liked a product in the review she titled "It's My Fiance's Favorite and Most Efficient Tool."¹

It's pretty obvious from the title that Dionne doesn't actually own (nor has she rented, leased, borrowed or – presumably – stolen) the Skil Mag Worm Drive Circular Saw she's reviewing. Lest one have any doubt, Dionne freely admits:

"I am NO CARPENTER EXPERT [SHOUTS are Dionne's] by any means. I mean, I know the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver, but, hey, that's pretty much all I need to know, right?"

Well, no, we think that before you review a power saw that costs in the neighborhood of $200, you should at least know more about carpentry and woodworking than "the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver" -- and we suspect most people buying the product would want a review from someone with more, shall we say, "expertise"... knowledge, even. But, as Dionne explains,

"Looking at all these specifications and features is like reading instructions in French. I have no clue what any of this stuff means or what makes it so important..." Never mind that some perfectly ordinary people can read instructions in French (or Spanish, German, Russian, Swahili, Hindi...): If she doesn't know what's important, why did she "review" it? Hell, everyone knows why she reviewed it: she could make more money with a power tool review than with a lipstick review. So let's see some of the truly stupid "information" that resulted from Dionne's ignorance: "Blade mounted on left side for easier siding of cuts" "Arbor Size Diamond" "Rating 120V"  "120 Voltage" Without a doubt, the pièce de résistance in Dionne's "review" is her recounting of her vast "experience" with the product:

"...I can’t write about something unless I’ve... used it... So, one weekend I... asked if I could use his saw. He said no problem and I asked him I should hold it... He had a scrap piece of wood for me to use as a test strip. I remember him telling me to make sure I held my balance, use the foot as my guide and when I press down on the saw to follow through. Well, wouldn’t you know, I cut that piece of wood like it was nothing."

That's right: Dionne reviewed a $200 saw based on cutting a single scrap of wood... using "the foot as a guide." We suspect that at the time, people asked her why she didn't have her boyfriend write the review...

In case anyone wondered WTF the reference to "easier siding of cuts" could possibly mean, that's apparently Dionne's transcription of "easier sighting"; which she "explains" further by saying

"...the blade is mounted on the left side. According to him, it makes operating the saw much easier because you can see where the blade is cutting as opposed to looking over the saw and possibly risk injury to yourself."

We're not convinced: we think that's only "true-ish" if the carpenter's left-handed. The real reason Dionne's dude should like a worm-drive saw is that the configuration produces greater torque than direct-drive saws (Dionne never mentions "torque") and can potentially last longer, though they're usually heavier (the 13-pound weight is two pounds more than the Porter-Cable circular saw in the Antisocial Network official shop). For writing a misleading and basically worthless "review" of an expensive product she'd only picked up one time, Dionne25 is greatly deserving of a Dumbass of the Day award; and now she has one!

¹ This website is now defunct, and the post is not archived at the Wayback machine at archive.org. Oh, well, no loss...   

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