Keeping the Toilet from Clogging for Dummies!

Toilet clogs!

If you spend anywhere near as much time wandering the halls of the internet as the Antisocial Network's research staff, you're certain to come upon some pretty lamebrained "solutions" on a daily basis. Unlike our staff, though, we suspect you aren't looking for lamebrained rubbish: you want the good stuff. Well, that's the main reason that we're here: to steer you away from the kind of junk vomited out on websites such as eHow.com; crap written by halfwit, unqualified "freelancers" like William Jackson. We're pretty sure earning a "Masters Degree in Humanities" (even if it is from Penn State) didn't prepare him to tell people "How to Prevent Clogged Toilets."¹ His lack of preparation is readily apparent from the... "solution."

You see, as far as William is concerned, there are only two reasons toilets clog: big hunks of paper (or similar products) and big poops. Yep, Jackson says

"Set up a small garbage can right next to your toilet. This way, you won't be tempted to throw things like heavy tissue, wet wipes, diapers or any other heavy paper items into the toilet. Use the garbage can for these items."

...and then he follows that up with

"...If you are in the middle of a particularly sizable bowel movement, don't be afraid to flush twice, once after the waste has passed, and another after wiping..."

We found that last to be particularly crappy advice (insert rim shot). Oh, well, at least he didn't advise people to take lots of laxatives to prevent that "particularly sizable bowel movement"; though we suspect he tried to but eHow.com wouldn't let him pretend to be a doctor. Where Jackson's advice falls short is not his lack of imagination, it's his complete lack of knowledge of how toilets -- and, for that matter, plumbing in general -- work. There are lots of  reasons for toilets clogging, some of them easier to diagnose and fix than others. Take these, for instance: A sewer line clogged by a toy or other article tossed in by the kids: snake it! A sewer main clogged by roots: call Roto Rooter! A toilet whose jets are clogged with lime deposits: acidize it! A toilet whose vent is clogged: clear it!

There are plenty of other reasons, too, none of which our boy William addressed. Many of the early low-flow toilets have never worked well, for instance. Cheap toilets often aren't well-designed, as one staffer learned when he replaced a bottom-of-the-line Mansfield (MaP rating 600) with a more expensive (and fifteen year newer) Kohler (MaP rating 1000). Though this guy sheepishly admits that he had to keep a plunger at the john he used most often – and had to plunge it after almost every number two -- the new Kohler handles everything he's "thrown" at it. Someone may have tucked a milk bottle full of water or some bricks into the tank to save water, and it just doesn't have the "oomph" it needs. But Jackson thinks the only reason is the contents of the bowl: typical eHow incompetence.

If your toilet clogs consistently, you need better advice than what William served up here. When people with an obvious lack of knowledge and experience pretend to offer advice solely for the cash, that's when we hand out the Dumbass of the Day awards. This is Billy Jack's second -- but probably not his last: we're keeping an eye on him...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_5657550_prevent-clogged-toilets.html

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