Mountain-Building for Geology Dummies

Explain these, Cindi...

Science... why do some people even try? Even the simplest scientific concepts seem to baffle many of the self-appointed freelancers on the internet. Our researchers have lost count of the number of times they've seen scientific terms misapplied, mathematical formulas written incorrectly, and the most basic principles presented in wildly incorrect terms. Having studiously avoided all those hard science and math classes to get a BA degree (journalism, political science, business and English seem to be the most-favored disciplines), these folks still think their innate "intelligence" and "research skills" allow them to hold forth, at length, on any topic. Some, like Catalog.com's Cindi Pearce, prove themselves wrong as soon as they sit down at their keyboards. Have a look at Cindi's opus, "How Mountains Are Made" (now credited to "Catalogs Editorial Staff") if you don't believe us...

The Antisocial Network staff geologist (yes, we have one) took a look at her tripe and loosed a mighty sigh. muttering that "I wouldn't presume to 'explain' the basic concepts of yoga or tap-dancing [Pearce teaches both, according to her bio], so where does she get off  'explaining' orogenesis?" Not that Cindi uses the word... she doesn't even use the term "mountain-building"...

Pearce does, however, explain orogenesis in her own way; and that way's simplistic, misguided and incorrect. Take her opening paragraph:

"Both the land and the sea, which are the outer skin of the earth, ride on huge plates. These plates sometimes collide with one another and when they do, mountains are formed. In fact, years and years and years ago, Mt. Everest was not a mountain at all and was situated under the ocean. That is why seashells can be found on Mt. Everest."

Rather a Biblical line that "the land and the sea" stuff, eh? Of course, most people would say "continents and oceans," but Cindi wants to keep that Fleishman-Kincaid score low... which is probably why she uses "seashells" instead of "marine fossils," too. Dumbass. Pearce goes on to "explain" that, "When two plates butt up against each other, putting pressure on one another, the land is eventually lifted and folds over on itself. The formation of continents and mountains creates the varied surfaces on the earth. One plate can push on top of the other plate, which can cause the plate to slide downward and it begins to melt."

Well, first, plates don't have to put pressure on each other to build mountains, there are also mountain ranges created where two plates diverge ("move apart," in Cindi-speak). That's a little hard to explain, however, if you know nothing about thermal bulges and isostatic uplift. Of course, we know that all mountain ranges are volcanoes (actually, they're not), so here's Cindi's explanation of volcanism:

"The melted rock blasts upward along weak spots and crack, [sic] which creates volcanoes. "

Umm, yeah: it "blasts" upward: someone's been watching too many fantasy movies.  Oooh, wait: she has heard about spreading centers, though her explanation is a little... lacking:

"When plates stretch so far that they crack and slide, this forms fault-block mountains. Underwater mountains are created when plates spread away from each other and melted rock pushes up through the space that is left in between."

First, what's this "slide" bullshit; second, rifting isn't necessarily underwater (think Iceland or East Africa); and third, not all underwater mountains form this way: we're thinking specifically of the Hawaiian Islands. But enough of Cindi's bullshit interpretation of plate tectonics; let's have a look at her daffynitions:

• "Synclinal (depression) mountains are formed in dipping troughs whereas anticlinal (dome) mountains are compressed and do not always crack." 
• "A saw tooth mountain is made nearly completely of vertical rock layers and these layers resemble the blade of a saw."
• "Matterhorn mountains are created when glaciers polish four different sides of a summit, resulting in a square-topped summit."

We might point out that anticlines rarely form mountains, the reason for which is deeply buried in Cindi's "definition." Her explanation of "saw-tooth mountains" makes no sense, and she finally conflates The Matterhorn (a single mountain) with all glacial horns, in the process inventing a new mountain "type." Her other explanations are equally... dumb.

So here you have it: a non-scientist decades removed from schooling who attempts to reduce a complex topic to a set of simple declarative sentences. Unfortunately, she does a lousy job of it and in the process misinforms her readers. We think that's plenty of reason to name Ms. Pearce our Dumbass of the Day for today, don't you?

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