Troubleshooting Your 4Runner for Dummies

Amelia: Find the MAF sensor, throttle body or fuel rail.

There's one episode of "The Big Bang Theory" where Penny informs Leonard that his current experiment is derivative. Of course, all she does is parrot something Sheldon told her – and that makes it funny, because Penny, though smart in her own way, is a complete boob in the field of experimental physics. FWIW, Kaley Cuoco, who plays Penny, is one of the highest-paid actors in television, so you obviously can get rich being "dumb." Of course, we already knew that -- our DotD awardees prove it every day! Speaking of parroting information in a vacuum, today we're visiting eHow.com's Amelia Allonsy (already a winner for fractured automotive advice), who pretended to have the necessary knowledge to explain to a reader why a "Toyota 4Runner Won't Start."¹

Typical of eHow's automotive dumbasses, Allonsy opens by explaining the history of the 4Runner, as if knowing that Toyota began selling them in 1984 would help you troubleshoot a starting problem. Amelia next launches into a shotgun approach of trying different things instead of performing systematic troubleshooting. In fact, the words "troubleshoot" and "diagnose" don't even show up in the article, even though they probably would if it were written by someone who knew what she was talking about.

Since she just surfed the internet looking for possible causes of hard starting, Allonsy gives more or less equal weight to a dead battery (complete with instructions, sort of, for jumping it) and a dead fuel pump. Of the former, Amelia says to "Turn on the headlights and the key. If the headlights and dash indicator lights do not come on or aren't working, then your 4Runner's battery is dead and will require a jump start or battery replacement." Maybe... but how do you tell which? and how do you keep it from happening again? No help is forthcoming. Amelia next suggests that you check the fuel gauge. Yeah, duh -- but at least those are some troubleshooting tasks the average technoboob can perform; although she did miss "Does it crank?" It's probably safe to suggest she doesn't know what "crank" means... Now that the easy stuff is out of the way, Allonsy moves on to more... esoteric questions: "Check to see if the connectors to the mass airflow sensor and the throttle body are plugged in if your vehicle is so equipped. If these connectors are loose, they will prevent your truck from starting."

Sure, Amelia, no problem: now if you'll just kindly demonstrate this step for us... I didn't think so! Next, Allonsy would have us check for air (it's as if she's reading a CPR manual: "check the airway") by looking for "blockages" in the "air filter and housing": is this moron serious? But the final straw, and the reason for mentioning Penny the Physics Parrot in our introduction is this fine suggestion copied from a 4Runner online forum (reworded to protect the guilty):

"Remove the cap from the Schrader valve on the intake fuel rail and depress the valve, making sure the key is turned to 'on.'"

Uh, yes, this dumbass said to do that. Now in what universe does someone who lacks the smarts to check the battery and the gas gauge have the know-how to even find the fuel rail or recognize a Schrader valve? We'll tell you: in the universe where a "former cake decorator and competitive horticulturist" (WTF?????) has the unmitigated gall to give advice about troubleshooting hard-to-start engines. Oh, and by the way? this last is a test that can spray gasoline around the engine compartment: it's not a test for amateurs... amateurs like the Dumbass of the Day who suggested it!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. The URL was ehow.com/how_7394863_toyota-4runner-won_t-start.html

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