Thunderstorms for the Dummy Meteorologist

raindrops

When we got to Antisocial Network's headquarters this morning it was raining cats and dogs outside. We know this is true because one of us stepped in a poodle (rimshot!). So we thought this would be a fine opportunity to find out what our research staff had unearthed on the web along the lines of freelance stupidity about the weather. As luck would have it, we found this bit of scientific illiteracy penned by eHow.com's Lee Morgan, who had already unimpressed us with his grasp of science in a biology post at the same site. Morgan's course of study for his a "mass communications" degree apparently didn't include that favorite of the non-scientifically inclined, Weather 101, as he made pretty obvious in the piece he wrote for the title "Why Does it Rain When the Pressure Is Low?" at Sciencing.com.

If we were to put that question to someone who knows a low pressure system from a hole in the ground, we might learn that air moves toward a low-pressure cell and rises. Heck, you can learn that from myriad sources. You'll also learn that the rising air cools and cooler air can't hold as much water vapor, which is the main reason for precipitation around low-pressure cells. You're unlikely, however, to find a knowledgeable person who couches the explanation in the same terms as Morgan:

"High and low pressure readings are an indicator of how much weight the atmosphere is pushing down on a particular area. When the pressure is low, the air is free to rise into the atmosphere where it cools and condenses. This condensation forms clouds made of water droplets and ice crystals around dust particles in the sky. " We mention that knowledgeable folks won't say it that way, because it's partially stupid and partially wrong. To say that "High and low pressure [depends on] how much weight the atmosphere is pushing down on a particular area..." is sophomoric: atmospheric pressure is a measure of the mass of the air above a point in the surface. Stating that "the air is free to rise into the atmosphere" makes no sense at all, because the air IS the atmosphere! And last, the air doesn't condense, the water vapor in the air condenses -- Lee might know that if he weren't confusing condensation in the atmosphere with condensed milk...

OK, so he's said that: but given that DMS requires a minimum word count, what is Morgan to do? Why, explain the "Causes of Low Pressure," of course!

"The main cause of the differences in pressure around the world is the sun. Because of the rotation and shape of the earth and the rising and setting of the sun, temperatures are different around the world. Difference in temperature affect the amount of pressure..."

Oh, wow: it's all the sun's fault! But we suppose that if the last time you took a science class was in eighth grade, that's the level you'll write to (not to mention common eighth-grade level grammatical errors -- shame on you, "professional journalist"). But have no fear, Lee: despite your scientific illiteracy -- because of your scientific illiteracy, in fact – you've won an award. You're the Antisocial Network's Dumbass of the Day for this rainy Monday!

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