When Dummies Take On Trigonometry

Trigonometry terms

There's an interesting phenomenon with respect to knowledge, one that many of us have encountered at one time or another. We call it the "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit" phenomenon. We see this happen a lot while we're researching DotD candidates: in hopes of picking up a few more pennies, the candidate throws a vast assortment of words, preferably polysyllabic, at the page and hopes he or she has accidentally said something coherent. Too often, the result isn't worth the electrons needed to read it. A case in point: eHow.com's Alexis Writing (fake name number 77, DotD award number four), caught stinking up the internet with Sciencing.com's "How Do Astronauts Use Trigonometry?"

When it comes to verbosity and the art of writing lots and saying very little, Alexis is world-class. Check out her daffynition of trigonometry:

"Trigonometry is the branch of mathematics that is concerned with the study of angle measurements. Specifically, trigonometry involves the study of the quantities of angles, and how those impact other measurements and quantities involved in the equation at hand."

Not content with that clumsy, uninformative "definition," Writing goes on:

"Given two angles of a triangle and knowing what we do about the values of all three angles as a whole -- which is largely a study of geometry -- trigonometry is the science used to determine the measurement and other values associated with that third angle as well as the three sides of the triangle being studied. " First, Alexis, it's not "largely a study of geometry"; second, trigonometry is far, far, FAR more than merely... whatever the hell you say it is. But enough of that: let's see how Alexis thinks astronauts use trig. First, there's "The Study of Distances": "...if the distance between two stars is known, or the distance from one star to the Earth but not the distance to a third, the arrangement can be treated as a triangle, and trigonometry can be used to calculate the missing distance."

Perhaps, but how? Shouldn't Writing have at least mentioned the word "angle" here? After all, angles and functions related to angles are without a doubt the most important concepts in this branch of math! But no.... Next, we get "The Study of Speed":

"Astronauts may also use triangular calculations -- and, thus, trigonometry -- to calculate the speed at which they, or a particular celestial body, are moving. For example, if a body appears to be moving at a particular speed in relation to an object whose distance from the body is known, then the distance that the astronaut is from that body can be calculated..."

Ummm, no: first, that's not trigonometry, that's classical physics; and second, you need more information than what little Alexis appeared to have given you (though with that tortured syntax, it's hard to tell) -- you know, like maybe angles and such? And last, there's "Mechanical Control and Machinery"; but frankly that section is such a mishmash of bullbleep we couldn't figure out what dumbassery to extract.
Old-timers used to say, "Never send a boy to do a man's job." In the interests of preventing the ongoing stupidification of the internet, we amend that to "Never send a communications major to do the job of someone who at least took a few science classes!" Alexis Writing, whatever her real name is, made it crystal clear she had no idea what she was writing about but wrote it anyway. Chalk up another Dumbass of the Day award for that mother lode of misinformation, eHow.

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