Topography and Elevation for Dummies

GPS showing elevation
on screen

One of the hallmarks of the self-appointed freelance journalists on the internet is an inability to see the direct route from question to answer; an inability that pretty much permeates eHow.com (yes, them again). The reason may be that in the DMS¹ world, the writer must pad simple answers out to meet the minimum word count. It may also be that the writers themselves simply have no idea what the answer should be. We think the latter is the case for Kurt Schanaman in his post "How to Find Land Elevation"² (now moved to the website ItStillWorks.com, even though it never did), though the minimum word count thing probably didn't help.

Why someone might want to know elevation is unknowable, but Schanaman gives it a go:

"Land elevations are measured in 'feet above sea level,' and this information may be necessary for calculating a flight plan as an airplane pilot, for making adjustments to a computerized automobile when you plan to use it excessively at a different elevation than it was set to be used, and for a host of other applications."

We certainly hope that an airplane pilot already knows how to find elevation... and we also know that knowing the precise elevation isn't important for a "computerized automobile" or, for that matter, high-altitude baking. We suspect someone just wanted to know the elevation of his house...

Be that as it may, Schanaman puts forth two suggestions, neither of which is absolutely wrong. Kurt's first idea is to use Google Earth. After a couple hundred words, he explains how (in 2011, at least) one could get elevation from the software. OK, we'll buy that: it's extraordinarily clumsy, but it might have worked. Of course, with the terrain layer in Google Maps these days, that method's pretty much moot... Moving on, Schanaman instructs his readers to "...visit the precise location in which you desire to obtain elevation information and take along a hand-held GPS positioning receiver... Write down the GPS information of the location in question on a note pad..." We're not certain where he's going here, so let's look a little further: "Drive to your county's land management agency and provide the longitude and latitude information to the agency representative. Based upon your information, you will be provided with information about the necessary fees to obtain a copy of the topographical map for your chosen location." Drive to a county "land management agency"? That is so full of crap that it isn't even worth discussing. Then again, Kurt could have reduced this who rigamarole to one line: "Take a GPS unit to the spot and read the elevation off the friggin' screen"!

One of Schanaman's other statements had us in stitches:

"Topographical map copies may sometimes be available immediately in some counties, but in other cases, your county administrative office may have to order specialized maps that include elevation data from a commercial mapping company..."

...from which it's obvious that our Kurt has no idea that, in the USA, topographic maps are produced by the U. S. Geological Survey. Idiot. He also completely neglected 1) just finding your location on a topo map from, you know, knowing where you are? and 2) the entire concept of surveying with a transit or plane table -- but what can you expect of a three-time Dumbass of the Day?

¹ DMS is Demand Media Studios, the parent company of eHow and a slew of niche sites. Our mantra here at the Antisocial Network is, "You can't spell "dumbass" without DMS!" Sadly, the company recently rebranded itself as Leaf Group...
² The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_5953234_land-elevation.html

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