Recessed Refrigerators for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLIX

Typical built-in refrigerator

Around Antisocial Network HQ we long ago realized that there are people out there who are perfectly happy to pound out any amount of bullshit necessary to pick up a few pennies. The self-appointed "expert contributors" to eHow.com have always been a prime example. Where else do you find a "state-tested nursing assistant" with a BS in "communications/public relations" pretending to know "How to Recess a Refrigerator"? Trust us: once you start reading the tripe uploaded by eHowian Nicole Brown, you just won't be able to look away...

Sagging Shelves for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLIV

sagging shelf

We've noticed – many, many times – that the less familiar our nominees are with their topic, the more likely they are to develop some sort of tunnel vision. To put it another way, if they don't know what they're talking about, they're likely to focus on a single solution to a problem to the exclusion of all other solutions or, for that matter, versions of the problem. Don't get it? Well, maybe you will after following Taylor Patrick through her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Stop Shelves From Sagging in the Middle."

Door Headers for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXV

Header framing terminology

Early on, the freelancers who plied their trade at content farms such as eHow.com and WiseGEEK.com (and the many others that left a stain on the internet's collective knowledge) found that by grabbing a slew of closely-related topics they could leverage their "research" into more bucks in a shorter time. Good for the, not so good for us if their accuracy was suspect... as it so often was. One such freelancer who picked (at least) two niches at wiseGEEK is S. E. Smith, later known as Mary McMahon. Mary's grasp of her chosen topics, however, has won her a shelf full of DotD awards; two of which are for framing carpentry. Mary's herein receiving a third nomination in the category, for the AboutMechanics.com post "What is a Door Header?"

Shimano Derailleur Adjustment for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXIV

derailleur barrel adjuster

It is astonishing (though it probably shouldn't be)  to our house bike mechanic that the first step of damned near every eHow.com post purporting to tell people how to adjust the rear derailleur on a bicycle includes some variation on the words "loosen the cable bolt." It's as if all those freelancing morons just copied one another's work, swapping in "Altus" for "Tourney" or "SRAM" for "Shimano." Oddly, it seems as though they all cited a book for their "reference," too. Well, we have a REAL reference, one that's online, and we'll point you to it in a few minutes. But first, let's look at just how clueless one Donovan Gillis proved himself in the SportsRec.com post, "How to Adjust a Shimano Tourney Derailleur."

Ignition Coils for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXXII

Remember that old (and oft rebooted) game show, "Name That Tune"? Sure you do: contestants would attempt to identify a popular song in fewer notes than their competitors (and variations on that theme). Well, our staffers like to play a similar game: identify a freelancin' dumbass in as few words as possible.  One of 'em got lucky with today's nominee, since it only took nine words for her to realize that Darla Ferrara had no idea what she was talking about when she tried to tell people "How to Test Coil Wire" for ItStillRuns.com. 

Building a Stage for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXIX

stage substructure

The oldest articles in the eHow.com universe were, regrettably, uploaded without external references, so you're never sure where these people got their "information." Of course, that's insignificant considering that the material was vetted by a staff of "content editors" who generally knew even less about the topic than the person who wrote it; a freelancer who often knew less about the topic than the person who originally asked "how do you...?" That's why the website ended up with rubbish like the post "How to Build a Stage for Concerts," a Nichole Liandi concoction that now lives in the niche site, OurPastimes.com.

IV Infusion for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXIV

It has always been (and always will be) our preference that the information we receive be passed along by people who are competent in the subject at hand. We don't know about you, but we're not in the habit of asking the guy who cuts our grass how to treat strep throat or consult with our physician on how to cut dovetail joints. Sure, some landscapers are retired army medics and some doctors are woodworking hobbyists, but they are the exceptions that prove the rule. That lack of pertinent experience is why we were unimpressed by the job eHowian Rona Aquino performed while attempting to explain "How to Calculate Milligrams Per Hour" for HomeSteady.com.

Wiring Decisions for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXXI

15-amp breaker

The nice people at eHow¹, apparently thinking that they can fool all of the people all of the time, require that their contributors provide a short bio so that readers know their work is... "authoritative." Unfortunately, that's not always true: take the case of the post a staffer recently turned up at the mother site², a post attributed to Mark Dennis entitled "Adding an Electrical Outlet From a Light Switch." Given that Dennis claimed a "two-year electrical engineering degree," one would expect that his facts would be accurate.

How a Dummy Sizes a Header - The Freelance Files MMCLXXXVII

Header Sizing Table (excerpt)

Whether they know it or not, the people at Leaf Group (formerly Demand Media) make it pretty easy to determine the usefulness of the "information" their contributors have pumped onto the web: somewhere on the page, you can (usually) find a short bio of the writer. That's useful because it helps you decide whether to trust the post. Hint? You usually can't when the writer brags about having an English Lit, "Communications," or Journalism degree; or something equally as off-topic. You know, like José Leiva touting his BA in philosophy before writing the Hunker.com post, "How to Size a Header in My House."

Dishwasher Knockout Plugs for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLXXI

disposal plumbing

Remember the cartoon that told you to pound forehead on keyboard? Every once in a while an Antisocial Network staffer gets the urge to do exactly that. It usually happens when someone comes across the sort of dumbassery that only occurs when "communications" majors try to explain tasks and procedures they've never attempted themselves by using references that... well, that aren't on point. Most recently, a staffer ran across a post by returning DotD Chad Buleen, who was pretending to know help someone complaining that "My Dishwasher Won't Drain and I Just Installed a New Garbage Disposal" at Hunker.com (a niche site full of content from eHow.com).

Overloaded Circuits for Dummies - the Freelance Files MMCXXXIII

overloads aren't short circuits

For some reason, the average person simply doesn't understand the electricity that powers almost everything in the modern home. We blame educational institutions that award "degrees" in film studies and art history without actually requiring that the recipient understand the world around us. We don't think it's necessary to be able to derive Ohm's Law or define the coulomb, but being able to discuss the basics would certainly help a person figure out what's going on when there's a problem. Into that breach, unfortunately, eHow.com's Karl Wallulis vaulted back in 2015 with the post, "How to Check for an Electrical Circuit Overload" (now living at Hunker.com).

Balcony Construction for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCI

cantilevered balcony joists

It never ceases to amaze us that many of the freelancers at the former eHow.com (now a collection of niche sites under the Leaf Group umbrella) would begin to answer a question by defining even the most basic terms. For instance, we've seen many an eHowian open a post about, say, changing the tires on a 1988 Toyota Tacoma¹ by warbling that "The 1988 Tacoma is a truck built by the Toyota Corporation of Japan in 1988." Duh. And yet some of them were so careless that they never bothered to look up the definition of something they were allegedly explaining. The latter group includes one Will Gish, who failed miserably to explain, "How Is a Balcony Built?" for the mother site.

Framing a Wall for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCIX

Window jack studs & sill

We aren't absolutely certain, but we rather suspect that some of the worst "free" advice offered by freelancers comes has been written about the most basic tasks. By "basic," we mean foundational: if you get these wrong, your entire project might well collapse. We can't be sure, of course, but we rather suspect that anyone who could follow the instructions written by returning DotD Michael Straessle in his HomeSteady.com post, "How to Frame Exterior Walls," would find that their home wasn't all that steady when they were done.

Garage Door Headers for Dummies

Temporary wall

Over the years we've often seen references to a site calling itself DoItYourself.com, but have spent precious little time actually browsing there. That all ended not long ago when we found some clueless English major from eHow.com who cited one of the posts in a how-to article about plumbing, a post that – to be frank – was the equal of anything we ever saw at eHow for utter bullshit. We entered a single search term, "headers," and back came a chunk of unmitigated garbage called "How to Replace a Garage Door Header" by someone calling herself Jen S.

Closet Shelves of the Dummy Variety

The photo on the right came across the company Twitter feed a few days ago, and one of the staffers remarked, with a snort, that the shelving in the picture looked as if it had been built following eHow.com instructions. No duh! We immediately sent an intern to scrounge through the archives to find a couple of candidates for a DotD nomination that might result in such a mess. There were lots, and we'll parcel them out over the next few months. Here, however, is one of the first we ran across, niched in Leaf Group's HomeSteady.com website: let's give a welcome to one Denise Nyland, with her attempt to explain, "How to Build U-Shaped Wood Closet Shelving."

eHow shelf instructions?

Trimmers for Dummies

trimmers in framed wall

It is quite common for our staffers to read through content crafted by content-farming freelancers and see self-appointed "expert researchers" who knew so little about the topic at hand that they missed the main point of their post. That's what drew one staffer's attention to the InfoBloom.com post, "In Construction, what is a Trimmer?" penned by frequent awardee Mary McMahon (pounded out at WiseGEEK way back in 2010 while she still pretended to be named S. E. Smith). 

Header Sizing for Dummies

Non-Load-Bearing header

We have no idea why so many clueless freelancers ended up addressing framing carpentry at the old eHow.com, but we've run across many a writer who lacks the requisite experience and/or knowledge of the topic over the years (far more than we've managed to debunk so far). Today's nominee is one such self-appointed expert, a philosophy grad who, according to his eHow bio, "enjoys writing about... woodworking projects." Let's take a look, then, at what Jose Leiva had to say on the topic of "How to Size a Header in My House" (now at Hunker.com).

The Dummies Guide to Amish Barns

Post and beam barn

One of our staffers grew up in an Amish community in northern Indiana, and is pretty well acquainted with "The Plain People." Chances are pretty good that he's seen – and been in – hella more Amish barns than the total dumbass who put fingertips to keyboard and barfed up the post, "How to Build an Amish Barn." For the record, that clueless freelancer is one Rebecca Boardman and her post (originally at eHow.com) is now at the website Classroom.com. Nonetheless, it's still stupid.

A Garage Room for the Total Dummy

building a new interior wall

If you ask our staff do-it-yourself types, some of the absolute worst eHow.com content – "How to Use a Butt Plug" notwithstanding – was written about carpentry and home-repair by people who lacked the slightest clue. Let's take as an example one Jason Gillikin, whose attempt to explain "How to Make an Enclosed Room in Your Garage" for eHow (you can now find it at the niche site Hunker.com) is a classic example of freelanced babble without a foundation.

Your Front Door for Dummies

Exterior Door Security

It shouldn't surprise us, but sometimes it just does, that freelancers intent on collecting their pennies tend to get tunnel vision. We see so many of them who zero in on one aspect of a question or problem, yet never "zoom out" for the big picture – a syndrome that can lead to some uninspiring results in their writing. Take, for example, the WiseGEEK.com contributor Amy Hunter, who "gifted" the internet with her thoughts about, "What Should I Consider When Buying Exterior Door Hardware?" Amy went straight to "curb appeal," as real estate people call it, without first considering the greater implications of the question.