Average Speed for Dummies

speedometer and odometer

You may have heard that, "If you ask a stupid question, you'll get a stupid answer." We don't think that you deserve a stupid answer, which is one reason we like nailing fools for being the DotD. Every once in a while, though, we run across a question and answer that almost certainly deserve each other. Take, or instance, a gibberish question like "How to Calculate How Many Drive Hours Per Mileage"¹ and the gibberish answer Greyson Ferguson posted at eHow.com.

We have to admit, we couldn't even parse that query: it looks like it may mean "time per gallons per distance"... what? But Ferguson, whose "science" background consists only of a BFA in film, bravely accepted the challenge anyway. He outlined his approach in this cogent introductory paragraph:

"When driving your vehicle you may want to know what the average miles per hour you have driven over your trip. Although this may not prove to be of any great importance it is nice to know and you may figure out you can legally drive faster and make up more time. You can determine your drive hours with your mileages on the dash board and the aid of a handy calculator." We first wondered why one would need to know "average miles per hour" to "figure out you can legally drive faster" – don't we already do that by comparing the speedometer reading with signs alongside the road? But what the heck: Greyson's the "expert" here, so let's see his instructions:

1. "Press the reset button on your dash board's speedometer. This resets it back to zero." [not really, Greyson: that button, if there is one, resets the odometer, not the speedometer]
2. "Look at the time at when you start your drive." 
3. "Look at your speedometer and your clock when you finish your drive." [Ferguson has a trip odometer but not a stopwatch function on his watch or phone? really? and Greyson, once again it's the odometer, not the speedometer!]
4. "Enter the number of files you drove into your calculator, then divide it by the hours you drove... Press the equal button and you are given the average miles per hour you drive." [Enter the "files"? really]

Like we said, gibberish... plus, the putz provided a "reference" for runners rather than for drivers. What a tool... except he tricked Demand Media into giving him cash for this rubbish. Maybe he's not really the Dumbass of the Day after all! No, wait he is, because the OQ wanted to know the number of hours from the mileage, and Ferguson calculated the average speed... still a dumbass.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. The URL was ehow.com/how_5982507_calculate-drive-hours-per-mileage.html 

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