Library Paneling for Dummies

library paneling

It's not at all uncommon for our research team to find a DotD candidates flailing wildly at the topics they've chosen, almost always because it is something they've never seen or even heard of before. This has been, naturally, most common in the world of eHow.com (and its subsequent niche groups), where writers simply plucked search terms out of midair and their work was "edited" for form instead of substance. That's much of what's wrong with "How to Build Classic Library Wall Paneling," submitted to the mother lode of misinformation, eHow (now at HomeSteady.com), by Kate McFarlin.

We're almost certain that McFarlin (like Tracie Harris before her) was flummoxed by the term "library paneling." Oh, she googled it all, right, but all she apparently found was companies that sell library paneling, as opposed to people who build library paneling. As a result, McFarlin apparently took it upon herself to describe how to assemble library paneling using, in her words, "Prefinished tongue and groove wood planks."

We've seen plank walls before, usually knotty pine (think lake cabins or wainscots) and bead board (ditto). We are almost certain, however, that library paneling isn't made of T&G planks: it's built of hardwood plywood panels, McFarlin you idiot! Not only that, but the single identifying characteristic of library paneling is the raised pattern shown in the image above... which McFarlin completely ignored.

No, Kate's instructions are to

"Find the studs with [a]... stud finder..." This, for some reason, has more words than any other step. "Cut the tongues off of the first row of planks with a circular saw. Do not rush the wood through the saw; feed it slowly or it will splinter." We left that second sentence on there to show just how little McFarlin knows about circular saws... "Place the first planks, cut side toward the floor, at the bottom of the wall.." Is this moron kidding? Normally, when you install plank walls, the grain runs vertically, not horizontally. It certainly would if you wanted a classic paneled wall... "Insert the tongue of the second row of planks into the groove at the top of the first row. Press down firmly to lock the panels in place..." When did a "plank" become the same thing as a "panel"?

That's all the steps... not only is the wood grain likely running the wrong direction, McFarlin completely ignores the raised molding that's the identifying characteristic of library paneling. We checked all of her references, by the way, and found none that describe this installation technique -- in fact, all three were for places you could actually buy library panels. Where our Dumbass of the Day got these instructions is a complete mystery – we think she made 'em up...

Oh, and by the way, Kate? If you nail prefinished planks through the planks, you'll need to clean up the nail holes. Forgot that, didn't you...

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