Shelves for Dummies' Closets

Installing cleats for closet shelves

Storage: why do we never have enough? Lack of space to store all that crap we've accumulated seems to be a common problem, except among those millennials who stock up on experiences instead of stuff. Don't worry, it's coming... eventually... but back to the storage problem. Someone, somewhere, once wanted to know "How to Make a Shelf Using 2x2's" [the apostrophe belongs to eHow.com, not us]. Unfortunately, someone claiming to be named B. T. Alo tried to give the poor sucker an answer at HomeSteady.com...

Alo, poor guy (he's supposedly a highly-placed business communications type [yeah, sure]), came up with some "plans" somewhere and, we suspect, modified them using the "I have no idea what I'm talking about" method. Of course, B. T. had to write an introduction, which went like this:

"...you can make a sturdy shelf from 2-by-2-inch lumber and plywood. This is a great way to use leftover lumber after a larger building project..."

Thank heavens the content editor who thinks "2-by-2" means 2 feet by 2 feet didn't get hold of this, although we're wracking our brains trying to figure out what "larger building project" entails 2x2s... Be that as it may, BT comes up with plans for a 48-inch shelf using 2x2s as cleats. According to Alo, this is all you need to do:

"Find three wall studs... Place a 48-inch-long plank of 2-by-2 lumber on the level line and use two 3-inch drywall screws to attach it to the wall at each stud point."

What's wrong with that, you ask? Well, for one thing, some walls have studs on 24-inch centers. For another, it looks like the "plank" (built-in eHow stupidity: writers were not allowed to simply say "2x2," they had to call it a board, plank, beam, or some other noun) is supposed to be centered on the middle stud -- though Alo never says so. Oh, and two screws per stud? Better pre-drill the holes... Next, B. T. would have his reader

"Position two planks of 6-inch-long 2-by-2 lumber at right angles to the shelf cleat, one at either end. Secure them with three drywall screws." More planks... but more to the point, "secure them" to what? and it is pure-D stupid to suggest using drywall screws, anyway! Moving on, install a shelf... "Place a sheet of 10-by-48 inch plywood (3/4-inch thick) over the shelf cleat and use 1-inch wood screws driven through the back of the plywood into the cleat to secure it." All we can say for that instruction is "Wha...?" but that confusion pales alongside what happened when we read Alo's final step:

"Miter the ends of two pieces of 11-inch 2-by-2 lumber to opposing 45 degree angles. Slot them between the end of the 6-inch planks that are perpendicular to the cleat and the edge of the plywood shelf top. These are support brackets."

At this point, we simply gave up and looked at his resource: it's instructions for building shelves in an enclosed space, and those "planks of 6-inch-long 2-by-2 lumber" are screwed to the end walls (not to mention that the original uses 1x2s, which makes a lot more sense).

Nope, some freelancer who had no idea what he was talking about just substituted 2x2s for 1x4s and made up the remainder of his instructions. We sure hope Alo built a shelf like this, though, because he can keep his Dumbass of the Day award on it. A bonus: the award is weightless, so his shelf won't collapse... assuming it hasn't already.

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