Bike Racks for Minivans, the Dummy Version

hitch-mounted bike rack on minivan

Antisocial Network HQ is in a fairly good location vis-a-vis road cycling and, for that matter, getting in a little off-road work as well. Not everyone is so lucky, and not everyone is comfortable with even a short stretch of busy streets – especially if kids are involved. Many minivan owners prefer to truck their bikes to a park or trail where the little ones can stop crosswise in the trail and not be hit by a car (other trail users, not so much). New minivan? You might ask "How to Install a Bike Rack on a Minivan,"¹ but trust us: you don't want to "learn how" from eHowian Breann Kanobi and her article at ItStillRuns.com.

Why not? Because it's stupid, that's why. Kanobi's instructions – mostly cribbed... err, copied-reworded-pasted from a Trails.com article – have nothing to do with installing a bike rack. The film-school graduate instead cobbled together something totally useless by rewording instructions for a Hollywood Racks "Gordo" trunk rack. Trunk rack? Breann, have you ever noticed that minivans don't have trunks?

Apparently not, which is why Kanobi's final instruction (carefully reworded to avoid charges of plagiarism instead of stupidity) is "Attach the straps to your trunk. Attach the two highest straps to the top of the trunk's opening by placing the hooks in the trunk's hinge. Tug gently on the straps to tighten. Attach the lower straps to the bottom of the trunk. Place the hooks on the bottom of the trunk's door. Tug gently to tighten."

Ummm, yeah.... that's gonna work... except that's not a trunk, that's variously a lift gate, hatch, or whatever the manufacturer wants to call it. Yes, most rack companies sell some version of trunk rack that will fit a minivan. On the other hand, Breann, maybe it would have helped had you mentioned that there's a wide variety of hitch racks available that plug into a hitch receiver. Didn't think of that, didja?

No, Kanobi (a fake name, we suspect she chose to make fellow gamers think O Breann Kanobi can control The Force) just reworded the installation instructions for one model of one manufacturer. Still, the girl got paid... and she's now also the winner of a Dumbass of the Day award. What more could you ask for?

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_6976262_install-bike-rack-minivan.html

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