Flushing Toilets for Dummies

Anatomy of a flush toilet 

We can't be certain of this, but the staffers here at the Antisocial Network suspect that one of the most common first attempts at DIY by a newbie homeowner (someone who can no longer call their dorm or apartment maintenance for help) is a malfunctioning toilet. After all, if you think there's "sticker shock" at car dealerships, just check out a plumbing bill! One of the reasons we think so is the vast number of Leaf Group posts related to the topic... and sadly, most of them are answered by amateurs like today's nominee, Matt Smolsky, who tackled "What Makes a Crane Toilet Flush Poorly?" for SFGate.com.

Chances are Smolsky didn't study anything as mundane as plumbing while getting those long-ago BA degrees in history and journalism; though he probably should have. Matt ran, quick as a bunny, to the nearest search engine and plugged in the same question. He got some answers that, it seems, he didn't quite understand (let's hope he never needs to fix his own john). That's why he came up with such winning verbiage as

"You might... have a kink in the plastic refill tube, restricting the flow of water to the bowl during a flush." for his copy-reword-paste job (from Crane's website, for commercial toilets...). Perhaps if you'd ever looked in a tank yourself, Matt, you'd realize that it's more likely that the refill tube is placed in the wrong location. We've seen that twice in the past month! And then there's this monumentally out-of-date crap: "...adjust the screw on the top of the ballcock or fill valve..." ...that might have been on point in 1973, but no one's seen a screw on the top of the fill valve in decades! Matt also suggests that

"There might be a clog in or just past the trapway. Run an auger snake down the toilet to clear any blockage. Be sure to use an auger snake [sic] designed for toilets so you don't scratch the porcelain."

It's either an auger or a snake, Matt, not both. Dummy.
Smolsky stopped reading after that, perhaps because he didn't know what stack vents and jet holes are. We do... one of our house DIYers even wrote an article about cleaning out your jet holes. Matt, however, found himself over his head with even the most simple DIY job, short of hanging a picture or changing a light bulb. Does that make him Dumbass of the Day material? Yep.

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