Charging Batteries for Dummies

charging a car battery

We often notice that our DotD candidates manage to get a few kernels of  accuracy in their posts, but whenever they stray more than a couple of "degrees" from their areas of expertise, they tend to botch the details. Such is the case of today's candidate, Cameron Holmes (like Madonna, Cher, and Rihanna; known only by her first name, at least to eHow.com). Observe her attempt to explain "How to Charge a Car Battery Indoors," which Leaf has moved to ItStillRuns.com.

Cameron, whose qualifications boil down to an English degree, demonstrated her ignorance of the science of batteries – of batteries in general – in her first sentence:

"According to Happy Living, a car battery should be recharged if it has been in storage for a long period of time, if it has been accidentally drained or if the battery is aging and simply needs a boost back to heath. "

Actually, the article Cameron cites (it's from a defunct content farm) says that a battery "should only need to be charged" under those circumstances, which is a darned sight closer to the truth than Cameron's reword. That's only her first sin, however. Holmes quickly demonstrates ignorance of the science of batteries with her first "step":

"Wear safety glasses. Protect your eyes from possible diluted sulfuric acid solution that can spark in reaction to the battery's flammable hydrogen gas."

Ummm, no: batteries don't contain "flammable hydrogen gas": the charging process may generate hydrogen through dissociation of the sulfuric acid, and that's why you're not supposed attach the charger or jumper cables directly to the negative terminal. And, FWIW, "diluted sulfuric acid" 1) isn't a "solution" and 2) doesn't "spark."
And then there's this steaming chunk of gobbledygook (in Cameron's defense, she just copied and reworded the rubbish Jody L. Campbell [note to intern: check that name... {got it!}] published at Happy Living):

"...choose a low amp setting that will charge the battery slowly. Slowly charging the car battery will desulfate the crystallization of lead sulphates, providing a higher amperage output return."

Ummm, questionable: trickle charges may remove sulfation, but we've seen no evidence that a fast charge causes sulfation – the usual cause is under- or over-charging. Oh, and Cameron? make up your mind: is it sulfate or sulphate?

When you come right down to it, this is a classic case of a scientifically illiterate liberal arts graduate parroting words she doesn't understand. This means that Cameron, whether she wants to use her last name or not, is a classic Dumbass of the Day.

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