Planers for the Dummy Woodworker

A planer in action

The business model of Demand Media Studios (DMS¹, now known as Leaf Group), parent company of eHow.com, was straightforward: get as many eyeballs on your content as possible through high search-engine placement. Accurate information, as most now know, was never the object. That's why so much of the technical content was cobbled together by liberal arts majors (English and journalism, mostly) in as short a time as possible. The result? Too often, it was rubbish like the HomeSteady.com article "Types of Planers,"² contributed by Charles Pearson.

Now, we know that some people who have history and philosophy degrees become builders of fine furniture after learning that such degrees are a dime a dozen. Pearson, on the other hand, was still a student when he wrote this. Based on the article, it's a safe bet that Charles was – to be polite – utterly ignorant of planers. Why else would he start out by saying,

"Lumber yards [sic] do some of the planing, but the boards are never the right dimensions for every project, so some planing is always required"?

No, Charles, lumberyards don't plane lumber; sawmills do. Oh, and by the way? Lots of people never even pick up a hand plane for their projects, much less use a planer. Let's see what other stupid things Charles had to say...

• "These planers usually have a cutting head on the top of the planer and rollers underneath, which guide the wood through the planer and skim a layer of wood off the board. This blade is adjustable for different board sizes." – No, Charles, the height of the blade is adjustable to adjust the thickness of the waste removed. That's not to mention that the rollers don't cut anything...

• "Some planers serve as both planers and joiners. The owner can feed a board through the joiner [sic] part of the machine above and then can send the board through the planer part of the machine below to streamline the board cutting process." – First, you idiot, it's a jointer, not a "joiner." Second, a planer is used to change the board's thinness, while a jointer is used to square and smooth the edges.
• "Manual planers are cheaper than the other kinds of planers, and have different shapes and sizes depending on the needs of the project. These manual planers come in a variety of degrees of effectiveness and comfort." – Idiot: the different hand planes (as well as the drawknife and the spokeshave) are used for different purposes: "effectiveness and comfort" aren't the point!
• "Electric planers are powered by electricity that either comes from a battery or from the power cord. These planers are more powerful than the manual planers, but the electric cord can make the planer more difficult to use." – We won't bother pointing out the stupidity of that statement.
• "Stationary planers are the most powerful planers, but the projects that the owner works on must be portable so that the owner can move the project to the planer, instead of moving the planer to the project." – Umm, dumbass? You don't plane the "project," you plane the lumber...

Pearson found an article online that had been written by an experienced woodworker, and cannibalized it to write this dreck. In the process, he exposed a complete lack of familiarity with planers, jointers, planes, wood, and woodworking. In truth, he might as well have nominated himself for the singular honor of Dumbass of the Day.

¹ DMS, as in "You can't spell 'dumbass' without 'DMS.'"
² The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/info_7860962_types-planers.html

copyright © 2017-2022 scmrak

SE - POWER TOOLS