Splicing Lumber for the Dummy Carpenter

Think you could cut this joint with a jigsaw, Nathan?

Our staffers argue quite a bit about what form of dumbassery is most egregious. Is it the copy-reword-paste job in which technical terms get misinterpreted? Is it the mashup of two sources that are actually about different topics? Or is it the specific answer to a general question that nevertheless gets it wrong? The argument continues... but for today, at least, it's Type III: meet eHowian Nathan Fisher and his specific and, quality-wise crappy, answer to "How to Splice Lumber" at Leaf Group niche site HomeSteady.com.

For his answer, Fisher, proud owner of a couple of psych degrees, went off-line to – get this: a log home construction book. We're pretty sure he didn't find the information he barfed up anywhere in that book, just like there's absolutely nothing about splicing lumber in his "resource"; which, by the way, is quite good for its correct purpose. No, Nathan went straight... somewhere... to describe what he thinks is,

"[O]ne of the simplest and most functional ways of splicing lumber... a half-lap joint."

OK, we'll buy that. Of course, there are several other ways to splice lumber, some of which – a strapped joint or scarf joint, for instance – are simpler. Your choice of those several methods is, of course, dependent on the situation: you don't use a strapped joint for fine furniture, and you wouldn't use a pocket-screwed butt joint for a floor joist. But never mind that, Fisher only mentioned the half-lap joint, so let's see how well he handled that.
Here are a few of the more interesting notions appearing in Nathan's instructions:

• "Lay the two pieces of lumber to be spliced side by side. Push the boards together so the boards are making contact on their inside edges. Line the boards up so the boards are even on one end." – You really should square the ends first, Nathan...
• "Measure the halfway point, up from the bottom, on the end of the boards with the ruler of the builder's square. If one piece of lumber is thinner than the other, measure the halfway point on the thinner piece." – Wait, what? who splices together two boards of different sizes? This may come from Nate's sole "reference," a book on building with logs.
• "Put on safety glasses and cut along the L-shaped lines on both boards with a jigsaw." – Is he  kidding? It isn't wise to try to cut anything thicker than 1½" with a jigsaw, and he wants you to cut lumber widthwise? Idiot!
• "For finish work, sand the cut smooth with sandpaper." – That ought to be a lot of fun! It seems Fisher's never heard of a chisel... 

What do you get when you ask a social worker to explain carpentry and woodworking, at least in the eHow world? You get instructions that use the wrong tools, introduce bogus complications, and ignore basic techniques. In other words, you get typical Dumbass of the Day output.

NOTE: you can easily find useful instructions for cutting a rough half-lap joint online...

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