DIY Doggy Doors, the Dummies Version

An actual homemade doggy door

We don't know about everyone else, but we keep seeing these ads about "essential skills" everyone's grandpa had. We sure as heck aren't gonna touch that clickbait, but we certainly hope that one of those so-called skills was some form of logic. Yesterday, we featured some idiot who wanted you to dissolve Epsom salt in water and then let it evaporate to make your own Epsom salt; and today's DotD is just about the same brand of fool. Meet Simon Thomas, whose post "A Homemade Doggy Door"¹ appears at TheNest.com (though it started its life at eHow.com...).

We once knew a woman who had made her own doggy door; it opened onto the back porch of her 1910s bungalow. She simply cut a rectangular hole in the exterior door and hung a flap of indoor-outdoor carpet over the opening. She favored big dogs, who had no problem getting through it. That, friends, is a homemade doggy door. Simon, on the other hand, seems to think that you can buy a "doggy door frame" somewhere... as opposed to a pet door kit:

"Your pet's height will determine where to install the door, and his size will determine how large the door should be... Doggy door frames come in a variety of sizes so make make sure you buy one that is large enough for your breed of dog."

OK, the first sentence is about the height of the opening off the floor, the second is about the dimensions of the door – but where can you buy these "doggy door frames" of which he speaks? Simon blathers on for another 350-plus words, including detailed instructions on how to cut the hole for the door (although he seems unaware that there is such a thing as a through-the-wall door). Such instructions include this... whatever this is:

"To start, insert the blade of the jigsaw into one of the corner holes, holding the tool so the balde [sic] it [sic] at a right angle. As you trace along your outline it is essential that you keep the tool in this position."

WTF does all that mean? and then there's this:

"For a watertight seal and wood rot prevention, line your opening with exterior caulking, and press the exterior doggy door frame firmly inside [sic]... Turn over the door and place the interior frame of the doggie door into the opening with the hinge side upward, securing it to the exterior frame with 4-6 screws."

Yup, that's what he said: not word one about how to actually MAKE a door, just a half-assed job of rewording general installation instructions for common brands of pet door. There's nothing about framing a door, nothing about covering it, nothing about security – just "instructions" for installing a pre-made frame. What an idiot! Simon is the quintessential Dumbass of the Day candidate!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   pets.thenest.com/homemade-doggy-door-3891.html

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